Fear is an extremely powerful emotion, it drives us in directions opposite from assumed danger.  I once wrote that I was afraid to be friends because I would only drag them down, an embarrassment.  Afraid of what people would say about me, afraid I would lose relationships because of it.  We know it wouldn’t work, I said.  Failure clings to every part of me even when I am very successful, it turns into failure.  I have never been able to have the good without the bad.  Now things are morphing and my mind says and thinks things of what others would actually say or do than I have really done.  I can’t control the thoughts or even my body like I used to.  Lately, it seems I have more abilities but none at the same time.  It seems I need to filter more and more to make the next enriching decision.  For each decision seems labored as the result of newsreels of social media that run my mind.  Just as when you read you have to retain the main ideas and what pertains to you.  I have to do the same.  Although,  it is a little different I have to be honest, without improper influences.  About a decade ago the intensity of social media sites circle of concentration starting repeating themes and ideas all intended to be helpful.  Though I found out they were traps for those gullible like me.  I have fallen into every single one of them.  Now I can’t decipher or speak my own words it seems.  I am at a loss, I never wanted to feel or have some of the thoughts that have entered my brain. It mingles with fears that then are reinforced by all sorts of things.  I live in a world that has pressured me into unbelievable experiences and believing in things that never happened or will happen.  I live in fear, worry and dread for all possible outcomes.  Some may say why are you so negative?  I know and lived patterns that one good thing follows 20 bad things.  I lost hope when my mind lost it comfort zone of normalcy.  I can no longer relax my thoughts because of the circle of concentration, even when focusing on what good is occurring.  When someone says nonsensical things over and over they stick, unfortunately.  The stigma of knowing what people’s goals have been for years and your own goals of living with family and friends in healthy ways have torn me inside out, cementing me like someone glued a slinky to a table. I get the elation of glorious fulfillment followed by the drag of depression.  I can’t imagine living in either world because they never seem to want the same things, except maybe one to put me in my place, a decision that seems to have lost input from the main person it involves, me. I know I am being selfish sometimes but really enough to seem to have people daily say, “Not for you!” Really it should be my bumper sticker.  Now what to do about these unwanted thoughts that rule my fear.  They are a mess and I need to realize there are some things I shouldn’t be afraid of thinking, saying or doing. 

I am here to say what I actually did and will continue to do. I was teacher, friend, sister and daughter to many people with disabilities and non disabilities. I gave my life to their care and safety.  I treated them with respect and worked hard at never overstepped my boundaries.  I have withered away defending these actions. There were and are times I have been found fumbling and confusing others thoughts to make it implied I did any differently.  In the end, it has always been their rights, safety and respect for their own personal dignity that has motivated me to simply say “No!” to all opposition who would think or even lead me to believe I might have done otherwise.  I continue to accept and practice the moral and ethical standards I have habitualized as common sense otherwise known as the golden rule.  So when a bad thought comes my way, I rather spend the day crying in sadness and depression reminding myself what is appropriate than to act on it.  As stupid and debilitating as it sounds it is much better than the consequences to the alternative. 

I must say this was not intended to tell you how to live your life but to explain how I have been living mine.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

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Even when young I had many nick names, it is easy when you have a very generic name like mine.  How else do you distinguish yourself from others with the same name? I also think because I never fit my name.  Many times you might have found I had a different personality around people or I picked up and matched others personalities.  However lately I have been pretty much the same  with people as they all seem to act the same. Which is weird, maybe my personality has gone listless or maybe it was always that way.  Though that is not how I remember it and maybe some others too?  I had laughing fits and would try and find some way to find situations uplifting. There were times I would just be dancing in the kitchen.  My family would say “oh you are just being silly.” It was something I extremely liked doing and still like doing.  So if you are like me and want to be silly download Bonk! From the Apple Store.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

I have been enchanted by the events occurring around me.  Memorizing to say the least.  I never pretend to know what will occur though often I could tell that may not be a good idea, if thinking well.  Inspiring, wisdom philosophical thoughts may come later but for now my friends and readers I am enjoying living, even in the sad times.  Struggles, no. Finding wonders, excellent. That is what makes everything worth it, simple discoveries of comradery.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

Years ago it was like I dipped myself in a pool of postive emotions and wanted to spread that to everyone, everywhere and everything.  The first few years I was a teacher I spent time and money to give a little birthday gift to all the teachers and even when they said why? I still gave gifts. I only stopped because I bought a condo and lacked the funds.

One year I wanted to learn how to be a Southern cook so I learned to make gumbo,  I was going to take to my brothers the next day as a birthday gift.  While I was making it my mom called and begged that I would come and sync her iPod for the trip, I left what could have been a ruined gumbo drove almost an hour back and forth to find she had already figured it out.  When I gave the gumbo to my brother the biggest compliment he ever gave me it has a different flavor but I like it.

This is who I am and strive to be someone who looks for ways to see  people are smiling with joy.  That is a goal I renew on my birthday which is today.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

Back and forth the tossel of the decision focused without solution. The pattern built by many factors needs adjustment for success of integrity with actuality.  When sorting thoughts being conscious of the subconscious and that gut feeling takes precedent in breaking habits one might have gathered haphazardly.  What might one concretely say aloud or actions made as a result bring the personality out for others to admire.  Though the admiration has its appeal the real accomplishment was to overcome your mental setbacks. Then you truly are master of your own mind.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

I once read that the Olympics were started as an alternative to wars.  The idea of friendly competition had begun.  Before the Olympics death and destruction even in coliseums were a spectator sport.  Often slaves thrown into the ring. It is 10 times better to have something people actually wanted to be a part of and everybody could go home in the end.  Not only that the regulations at one time were they had to be amateurs.  People came together to watch an athlete put all their effort behind every move, maximizing results.  That is real competition or what is the phrase mano-a-mano.  I believe I even heard someone say the only way to fight fire is with fire.  It is never just to be in a competition that you know is unequal.  It may give you some skill but really think about it most people enjoy watching those that were close, real challenges. That is why I support the Olympics, athletes from all over doing what they do well against others of the same caliber, simply put good matches. 

-Jennie Nawrocki 

Speeches are tough.  To be an elegant orator takes balance of words, catered toward your audience and their interests without losing your own. Now if your speech is on any major social media outlet, then you know it has to be very detailed and span many topics.  For even then people will question the authenticity of information and sincerity of honesty from the speaker. As I have watched some of the convention speeches, I have seen some have gone beyond their party limits to gain the respect of all listeners.  A president represents the country and its inhabitants and because our country is a mixture of cultures they must have      every bodies basic needs at heart. Though it doesn’t stop there it inspires the listener to pass on that knowledge and commitment towards each other regardless of their backgrounds. Most importantly it does not devalue or dismiss a persons own needs within the context of interaction.  A speech brings everyone together including the speaker by eliminating misconceptions, instead it is about how we as individuals live in a community that achieves success regularly for all inhabitants old or new.  For respect comes when people feel inspired at home.  Therefore a moving speech is just reliable conversation from some who strives to be kind.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

I can’t explain my mind.  Though several people try.  However my mind and people mix all the time.  I am not making excuses for it because that has how it has always been.  On the other hand it creates conflict within me that can mess a whole bunch of stuff.  Now that it is an open book it is more easily influenced than ever has been before.  Explain this explain that, or that is not what you meant I am told, this is what you meant.  Look I am all up for interpretation and improving myself,  but sometimes I have to say this what I meant and that is all.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

This week there has been quite the headlines about justice towards racism, is it being served?

A few years ago if you had asked me whether or not racism was dead in this country I would have said, yes! Now without doubt I say, no!  

I have taught in some very diverse schools and in some not so much.  I have taught all one race classrooms in fact. I am not proud of it, it was just the students I was given at the time. I have seen one big difference, which of course could be argued a big difference between all these classrooms, which of course could be argued but this is how I saw it. 

Some students were told by their parents you may be a slob, messy and disrespectful at home but once you are out there you are on your best behavior not matter who it is and the discipline that would follow would always be the power of disappointment and your grounded. Whereas the culture in another home might be if you don’t treat your parents or the leader of a gang as your king or queen fears of spankings, tugged away by ears and even worse threats or acts issued was the punishment.  Then there was also the culture of raising your kids to stand up for injustice, no matter what.  This is how I was taught,  I could easily get into a screaming argument with my mother if I thought she was being unfair.  

So how do teachers, principals and cops deal with these differences of attitude toward authorities!  As with anything, the situation, the person, background knowledge along with what is the ultimate end result decide how a person should respond to misbehavior.  For the simple reality if the student grew up with the idea well your not ________ so I don’t have to listen to you or they grew up thinking to respect authority even when they never met the person each requires a different response. To put it another way, in the teacher world there is this saying you can’t change the behavior until you know the cause of the behavior. 

Have you noticed so far I have taken out labeling certain cultures and that is because I have seen it isn’t just one culture that does one thing, it is the culture the family has adopted that decides how they raise their kids and respond to authorities. I also don’t say it because I think labeling adds to racism rather than recognizing how you treat someone.  I believe what is extremely important is the behavior over all else.

That is why teachers are told remain calm, model correct behavior, and use redirection often. Teachers or maybe even yourself may have feelings of rage, if they didn’t at least once throughout their career they have or they couldn’t be human.  Though even then most teachers, cops or even professionals often don’t show it.  How you vent your anger determines your level of professionalism, even if you are in competitive career.  I have heard that when learning martial arts most instructors will tell you it is for self defense only and a true martial artists only fights if they absolutely when necessary.  Fight or flight is what they call those situations, a person broken down to their most primal response fight or flight.  Now again even in martial arts or in the culture you were raised you are taught a true character of a person is determined by the words chosen even in the worst situation. What is the saying fight with might versus braun, something like that, I have heard it so many different ways but the meaning is still the same body slams and fists are not as effective as language used. 

Therefore I have come to the conclusion that even I need to remind myself to protest smart and calmly, everyone will feel safer.  

As for the racism issue, if you trust a person to drive your car, build your house, prepare meals, wash your clothes, take care of your children, sick and elderly then you can trust them to be CEOs.  I will also think the issue of racism is over when we have diverse rich neighborhoods.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

Disappointment is quite a word.  It really defines a persons expectations of you or the situation.  I think of all the mistakes I have made, the people affected by all my decisions.  Though I also think how much I am affected by them too. The effect people have on you or you on them is never really known until long after it happens and then disappointment sets in because all expectations were lost. I found out recently people have only one expectation of me.  The only thing I can say to that is with every behavior I will move towards building trust of me, to be a leader and an honored friend and family member.

-Jennie Nawrocki