My faithful readers as you know sometimes these poems can be filled with anger and very despondent. In my efforts to get out of these feelings of what has been termed oppression and solitary confinement, resulting in snaps of anger towards anyone and everyone who might get me out of hell or who put in it. Unfortunately not knowing who’s who’s everyone has seen me absolutely scream in frustration and even be ungrateful to those that could release me from my situation. Yelling and denouncing those who seem to be in my way or assuming they were the ones that hurt me. Someone once said you are in big trouble if you can’t tell your enemies from your friends. If trust is something missing from my relationships than my recognizing friends is even worse.
Recently those around me received the worst tirade yet. Without knowing who is who the problem will remain. That is only helpful to those that never want to hear of me again. My regrets and apologies go out to anyone who might have been on my side. This you may have heard of before but my biggest heartache is seeing those who were by my side and leave. Which makes me think when is the next one going to so they are told to go too. It is less heartache for me and them. However with each heartbreak my anger and despondency increases. Creating a cycle that is very unhealthy for anyone around which you may or may not have experienced yet.
Leaving me to question do I stay or do I go? My brain says go but my heart says fix it. How on earth do stand for my rights and still keep my boundaries to prevent what makes me curled up crying or sleeping the entire day?
Trust?
But who?
And we are right back to where we began. So during the time of lent my social standing will be determined. Those who truly love me and are my friends and family maybe revealed or may not but you can guarantee my ability to know how to forge though the next days month or years will be known by mid April. Then maybe my actions won’t look like a tornado screaming at everyone in its path.
What can you do? How can you support or help me? If you really care and really want me to succeed and be mentally, emotionally and physically? If your heart hasn’t completely grown black from my transgressions than be honest and tell me where stand with you and why. It will save me from falling deeper into hell. It will also save you grief of an annoying person barking up the wrong tree so to say and repair a negative part of your life.
With all my heart my plea to you is support me getting healthy again.
-Jennie Nawrocki
