Now that we have seen that social media and the information I have asked is controlled how does it offer the mind. Well if you have seen a YouTube video or even a talk show or what about those posts in your media feed that seem to come out of no where well it could be a part of subliminal messaging which was actually banned from advertising. In fact advertising has lots of rules to it besides you can’t give false advertising to name the main one. The whole reason advertising is a multi billion dollar business is because it works, a short segment to persuade you to buy an item. There is an element to persuasion that is in most communication but subliminal messaging is the strongest, in my mind because if it was banned it can have tremendous mental damage if done for the purpose of bad. In this article from Psychology today it talks about the good the positive influences of repeating compliments and reinforcement of behavior can add to an athletes win. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201504/subliminal-messages-can-fortify-inner-strength%3famp
However I am sure the exact opposite could happen to those you don’t want to win depending on how you phrase and give information. If you have read the previous blog posts you would have heard that my day is filled with put downs, threats and obscenities. They usually tell me I am not good enough, or mfn, or no talent, or extremely ugly, or criminal and or the devil. I get these sayings, images and subliminal messages through most of my day. In fact, cars and people can be heard very loudly saying some version of these put downs. I call emotional abuse. The definition of emotional abuse is not yelling but the attempt or act of control. Of course people don’t think you are controlling them when a positive outcome comes through encouragement. But if your intent is to make some sad angry or depressed through control of the environment or interactions that is emotional abuse. When you hear someone literally say I want to see them have a major meltdown in public, that is not wanting or supporting someone’s well being that is simply uncaring emotional abusive attitude. Now I ask again how does a person think she has control of her future happiness when the people around are chained and trained to treat, talk and interact with you a certain way. There is no other term for it except emotional abuse through control. People don’t control me you say well them same people who are in control of my twitter feed and technology are the same people who have told me personally as they were monitoring emails for a business I used to work at, including the CFO she will never know about this because she will never get it and don’t tell them that because they will start asking for it or if you tell them that is a rule they don’t know because they just began, they won’t know any different. All controlling statements I think. In the past rules and laws were made public and now at least I have to I don’t know about you have to search for them, if I am ever to find them at all. In the last few years I have seen packaging become less informative than it was in the beginning. Everyone knows knowledge is power well if you find that you are getting less information than before you are being controlled. If you are told to only listen to one person and not another person you are being controlled. I value different opinions, I may not agree with them, I may think some are hateful but I do believe in free speech as long as it is not harmful emotional abuse. You can tell someone you don’t like someone or something they said by preserving their dignity and respect all the while building your wholistic respect too.
With all that said and all the information I am allowed to input keeps getting smaller. I combine things I have never seen or done before. My mind has stopped being able to sort things out. Just today I thought if was this person I WOULDN’T do that because it is sickening and disgusting I would be gentle. And then I put my hands up to see what I would do and stopped. I STOPPED because I didn’t want to even think or would be the type of a person to do it in the first place. Secondly I didn’t know how and I didn’t want to figure out how. There was no muscle memory to look back on because it didn’t happen in the first place. I stopped because I am not that type of person. Unfortunately this is happening more frequently lately me thinking about how and what and when I would do something I never did in the first place. It usually ends with me sick and disgusted. I apologize for it but also get angry why did I think of it because someone wrote a tweet that suggested I might have done something bad. So where does it leave me. Feeling awful about my thoughts that were suggested through subliminal messaging. These are triggers that people have used continually to get others upset at me or me upset or both. I can’t stop the images from occurring at the moment even though I am thinking of ways to stop. None has worked so I end up in a ball curled up distraught saying no I didn’t actually do it, it was just my crazy mind. No no no no I didn’t.
I still can’t believe I haven’t gotten to dreams yet. I promise I will write about them soon. This has been a very rough day.
Each day I have setbacks from the social media rumor that was and is an odd goal that any human being or person would get fame and fortune if you made Jennie Nawrocki angry sad or depressed. While it seems to have slowed since people are where they wanted to be regardless of how they got there I will never forget they pain they made me feel. You do not know the lengths they have gone just to see me freak out in public. There is another song out that says I know you won’t be able to hear the lyrics because you are laughing so loud. What makes them laugh so much seeing me cry or be upset about the hell they gave me that day. The insensitivity to my needs no longer shocks me, I expect it and realize this is my future. Some said they wanted me to learn to fight or show some super power. What did I want to do be a disciple of God who just spreads love. I know I will never be the level of the Dali Llama or Pope but it was like someone making a game out of who could make them punch someone. I don’t like fighting and never have. I have done my fair share of screaming but that is where it mostly ends. I also know the double standard that I have seen people hurt with no punishment but if I at any moment was aggressive and inappropriately touched someone I would be in the clink faster than I could type this blog. It is a weird feeling when you meet someone and you don’t know how they are going to screw up your day but you know it is coming it has to it is in the rule books. This has left me with the ability to trust no one and worry or be anxious about everything and everyone around me. I have been lied to so much by even my family that I prefer to be alone. I hate it because I lost all my family and friends. What would you choose be around someone who is going to try and piss you off and ruin your day any way they can or be by yourself in isolation? Well I was given both. Isolated by who I can speak to, what I can read, and where I go and any future interaction is full of anticipation for the next bit of hell and torture I get to endure.
When someone tells me I choose my happiness I tell them really after I have been told to die or money was stolen or knowing the next person will steal my identity yet again. To this same person I wonder if they would just sit there and just smile as you are being told you are a mother ******. It is a lot to bounce back daily. There are times I have thoughts of a better day but soon and it is guaranteed that someone will squash it immediately. Some theories are out there that I can read minds, am telekinetic and have some control of the weather. Of course it is going to be denied that I have special powers or that someone has been playing mind games with me. Let me tell you this, I know and have been told by a student no one will ever believe what you say. I have seen it time and again just like they will tell you everything in this blog is a load of crap and never happened and will never be spoken of again if not used to ridicule but I will still tell my story as long as I can.
My story is I have had ghosts in my room on more than one occasion. How do you explain a breeze or the thought your cat walked by you when you find it fast asleep and the windows and doors are closed. How do you explain looking at something and thinking it will move without touching it and it does on more than one occasion. How do you explain I have been almost 100% accurate at explaining the seasons weather patterns. How do you explain that people are told not to look into my eyes. I am sure they will find a way but I will say there is something about me that is unusual and it ain’t being solely a bad person as they think. Someone who wants to devote herself to God and be as calm as the Pope or Dali llama has to have some redeeming qualities.
However she also knows she is not in control of her future because my phone has and is hacked. Most of the passwords I had forever were change internally by others. My tv and phone go slow or kaput when certain words are said. I can’t get a job or money. I am called every bad name in the book and my twitter feed is completely controlled. Take a look at this screen photo. The time says 7:35 at the top but the source retweeted a tweet made at 8:14 am 35 minutes ago. So I know they are good reporters but when I see this just waking up reading the news I know something is askew. I have been known to go on different computers and look at the same timeline between my iPad and phone and they were different.
But what that timeline says to me I am isolated by the information I receive and it is that way for a reason they want results negative results so I go so crazy nuts and psychotic screaming violent behavior. It is my controlled environment my life I am given to live. What they haven’t figured out or maybe they have the more they push me to be negative the more I curl into a ball and say “NO”. It is the only control I have at the moment.
Tomorrow it’s all a dream and or mental.
How to start the rest of this state of the union and yes penaugural is meant to sound like inaugural I find very difficult because they are sensitive topics all around.
We will take the terms jealousy vs double standard as our topic tonight. I have been told I am a very jealous woman and I am just being unfair. Men in the past have used this term to keep the pay gay between women and men. Your just jealous they would say and the woman would say no it is a double standard I worked the same amount I have the same seniority and yet I have a lower salary. When I would see people with no college degree and less years of experience get promoted over me and I did a better job then them I called it a double standard and they called it jealousy. I have literally sat at a desk asking for projects, a task, an assignment anything and they wouldn’t allow me to but this other person could. It was the most ridiculous and stupid thing to see a woman with a masters degree, who traveled the country for the university, passed the masters exam and taught students for 15 years including Kindergarteners the Alphabet having to watch someone else much younger and less experienced file papers in a file cabinet in Alphabetical order because your told you can’t. It is not jealousy it is a double standard. The amount of times I have just sat and done nothing because it is the only thing I am allowed to do is astounding. What really is even more of a double standard or hypocrisy is later on in social media reading that Jennie Nawrocki is lazy, incapable, and doesn’t do anything even after several times asking and telling people I can do that and being told I am not allowed. Completely ridiculous and stupid double standard.
Next is the use of the n-word or n*****. I moved from Washington state where the Africans American population is considerably less than in New York City. Washingtonians are much more diverse in a different way. We have a Asian culture that I think sometimes surpasses the white, we drive by reservations and visit them as if it was a corner store and our Latino migrantion is widespread. So I am not one who didn’t grow up knowing different cultures. I grew up ingrained with the idea that if you even thought about the n-word you are racist and that verbiage should be deleted from the United States Lexicon if not global lexicon. However I stayed in a shelter (because remember I am and I can no longer able to make money or support myself). I also ran out of all my money that I saved living in hotels thinking I will get a job soon. This again is a person who had 6 paraeducators and owned her own condo in the affluent neighborhood of Magnolia in Seattle. But I digress these women in the shelter with me spent their day and nights screaming and banging obscenities including the n-word and one day I heard directly yelling as my door was passed all n-words going to die. I was shocked and appalled that a black person a leader amongst the shelter women could and was allowed to say this what was even more shocking was it was modified into a song by a white male in the form of “Ain’t No N-word Going To Stop Me”. How did a white male get away with it because the word I found out no longer meant African American or Black, the n-word meant JENNIE NAWROCKI. Not a race or anything one person JENNIE NAWROCKI and I can’t say it, repeat it or think it and neither can anyone else unless you are referring to JENNIE NAWROCKI.
It is ironic I think the same people who say you don’t need to hate and fear have conspired a global community to hate one person in particular Jennie Nawrocki. What is also ironic is that Jennie Nawrocki somewhat prefers that you call her the n-word versus any other person because at least a race of people isn’t ridiculed. However JENNIE NAWROCKI hates the n-word and thinks that lexicon should be deleted from all dictionaries.
Is there more to write about oh yes I have tons to write tomorrow folks.
My senior year in high school in the last few days everyone signing year books passing them around between to moments wear teachers allow. My high school teachers were so diligent I don’t remember a class we could just sign yearbooks even in our senior year. The reason I say that is because for some reason nobody had time to sign mine. Along with that most of the yearbooks I signed were at the end or during passing. I remember by one girl who I had basically every class with and eaten lunch (mostly nachos) asked me to sign her book but when I asked her to sign mine in return she refused and told the other friends in the group I had spent most of the four years with I would never sign her book. In fact I barely had anybody sign my yearbook. Mostly empty pages of photo and memories I only seen or heard, never the participant. Little did I know this would be the future of Jennie Nawrocki.
Close but no cigar must have come from the origin of giving men cigars after some sort of winning spree. They strive and worked for something they never achieved because they never got the cigar. Well that is what my New York experience has been. Some may have called it bitter sweet but really I can’t recall too many good days.
It started with you can never work in New York but by the looks of it I can’t work in any other city either. I think that because when I moved to New York July 1st 2014 it took three months benforce I was offered a part time minimum wage job. After working successfully as a teacher for 13 years. I a experienced leader with a masters degree who had never been fired from a job was unable to find work in New York. It wasn’t bad luck it was purposeful sabotage. How I know because it started before I moved to China I worked at Macy’s and in order not to pay the high prices of parking I took the bus into the downtown area. Well I heard they were going to stop the one bus in my area past a certain time. So I would have to pay the high prices of parking or walk almost a mile home around midnight or quit my job. But I got another job in China but this was not the only time this happened recently I went to a job the bus schedule said what the last stop was and I waited and it never showed. I ended up having to take a cab every night wasting my money. But that is okay you see according to social media because if you read about the wall funding it is really a story about not letting me have a job or career or any extra money at all and if you give me money or a job they will take your funding too. How do I know this because I have people walking by me on the street whispering to screaming take Jennie Nawrocki’s money. I am assuming that is also why you hear contradictory stories saying the wall has already been built and is being built. Remember the story above I could be a part of the group write in their year books but I don’t get the same consideration in return. Living in New York has been a take take take atmosphere and nothing in return but as you can see those things started a long time ago in Seattle where I used to live. No I would say from the years 1994-2004 was the best decade of my life and most of it was glorious. Before that to as I was never taken into the principals office for bad behavior and I also went from remedial classes through hard work and studying.
On a whole I am not a bad person, I will say that I can be snappy and ****hy to those who sabotage me or won’t sign my yearbook when I signed theirs. But I don’t think that deserves a worldwide movement to eliminate hate and fear from their lives. If you don’t understand the word play and the hidden meanings of social media right now let me give a lesson Jennifer (fear) Nawrocki (aey = hate). I don’t hit or hurt people if you say I did or have a video of it I deserve to be able to see it.
At one point people and or a band told people I was a stalker. To get you to hate me. I will ask how can I be a stalker if I only went to concerts and spoke after the show when allowed. Most of the time I didn’t even ask for pictures with them. I also wanted send them something nice I made for them or just a present. Again I didn’t have their home address or work address but I sent it to a place a business a coffee shop one of their family owned they mentioned a lot on twitter and blogs. Even Ellen DeGeneres allows fans to send her items she has a whole room dedicated to these gifts. Let me ask you what is more creepy sending items to someone’s home or their place of business? I chose business. Also if I went to their home town either for a concert or small touristy trip I wrote specifically stating if you don’t want to be seen hide yourself I am visiting these places today. What stalker tells you what places they are going to visit and gives the opportunity for the person to stay far away from where they will be. No stalker ever says that which is why Jennie Nawrocki isn’t a stalker. In addition, the only schedules I knew and memorized and checked up upon were my paraeducators inside my classroom of which I was the lead teacher. Once out of school and my classroom what they did was their business to tell me if they so desired.
However I feel the exact opposite, I know I have been followed and it has been reported what I do and my schedule in the future and if somebody is watching, listening to it or directing it doesn’t like it then it is changed or sabotaged completely just like getting a job with a decent wage has gone ridiculously nuts to the point I have had so many unsuccessful jobs where even they eventually take my money rather than me getting paid like they promised. I can’t hold a bank account because I am being held responsible for a bogus bitcoin transaction that even the police said was a scam. What I also found out is that my phone has been hacked by at least 10 different computers. My privacy is non-existent. So when I read on more than one occasion she has been putting vodka in her water bottle. People you know I live alone have no friends and only was invited to dinner to someone’s house in the last two months and that is since I moved to New York in the summer of 2014. Furthermore I also haven’t stepped foot in a liquor since 2012 if not earlier. I have more of a craving for chocolate than I ever did for alcohol. In fact when I taught at middle school for over 11 years my fridge was stock with milk and my cupboards with Carnation Instant Breakfast Chocolate flavor and daily I would fill that red solo cup with milk and chocolate.
This my readers is just the beginning of my story it is a long one and feels so good to write about I will tell you more about that tomorrow. Though for now I promised by the end of the day I would post Jennie Nawrocki’s state of the union. We just made the quarter mark or halfway. I can’t know until more is written. Bare with me it has been a long while since I wrote and a person who wrote almost 3 times a day to never writing for 4 years has a lot to catch you up on.
In complete and utter sorrow
The tears welling
But the uncontrollable balling
Are yet to appear
My mind is sick
I am sick
I really don’t know
What to do
Strewn on top
Of each other
Me my story
But never theirs
jealously or anger
Shed those tears
Only increases the question
Why are we in a unhealthy
One sided relationship?
Didn’t you ever want to be friends?