March Madness

April fools

May flowers

June surprise

July Xmas from me

August heat

September Ends and begins

October New year

November I’m here

December Gifts

January everything changes

February get ready

March Madness

-Jennie Nawrocki

Banks collapsing

Racism increasing

Hackers online

Cameras everywhere

Poverty rising

Division lines easily seen

Have and have nots

Who is your friend?

Certainly not chaos

Chosen ones and un chosen ones

Unsure of where you stand

How to get better

Protect yourself

Protect those you trust

Add buffers safety nets, now.

and whatever you do

Careful what you say to whom.

All is recorded

You are not on candid camera

It is real

Jennie Nawrocki

Experienced it all before.

-Jennie Nawrocki

Relax in the moment

As spring is soon

Winter cold disappears

Into the warm of the sun

Flowers bloom

Birds chirp

Trees bud then

Fill the empty space

With bright green leaves

We spend more time outside

As the chill is gone

And we just soak

In the sunshine

-Jennie Nawrocki

Greetings husband,

Hope you are doing well, I saw you on such and such the other day you looked good, it will be good to see you when I can afford tickets to your next concert or show. Man I have missed you.

I just bought tickets to visit my family in April. Kinda nervous haven’t been to Seattle in so long. Suzann DM’d me yesterday but of course she didn’t once talk about her life except to get me to sign up for some financial program. We all know how the last ones went like that, yeah I became in debt and lost a bank account and I still didn’t have a friend to talk to about anything. Once I changed the subject to other topics than money she stopped answering otherwise ghosted me. One sided conversations is all I get these days just like this email to myself, thinking my husband is reading this. You are aren’t that is why you wear the same clothes as me on tv? I swear you said you loved me once and thought I was beautiful but yet we never talk when we are in the same room either. I just seen you perform. Anyways I do hope we can be together soon it seems you really do love me.

I also wanted to say that I have been hearing a lot of you are not on my level, you’re not my co worker, you’re not my peer. What the hell? We worked in the same building, some of these people were my friends we hung out at night went to concerts and or dinner together what the hell? I am not the same level as you. You don’t deserve my respect I don’t care if you are King Charles, the President or a CEO you don’t treat others like that and you certainly don’t tell a follower or a fan who buys your concert tickets or merchandise that you’re are not a peer. Just because I work retail and can’t sing doesn’t make me less of a peer to you. Huh, wonder if these individuals understand the definition of jury by peers, last I knew doctors librarians and fast food workers are all considered peers of CEOs crimes in the court of law. It shouldn’t surprise me as I saw one of the most chosen ones said we are pricing the less desirable out. Maybe that is why house, concert, plane, car and food tickets are so high, we are not their peers. NO RESPECT FOR THIS LIVING ATTITUDE AT ALL.

Oh I also saw something about husbands and wives prison segment on SNL. I am sorry honey you feel I am cheating on you. Really I am not I keep telling these men that I only thinking of you when it most matters or is critical not sure the right wording but you know what I mean those electrical moments. But the whole house thing. Yeah I know people say I will never afford a house. Thing is that future had two sides to it one being my saved picture on my old laptop you know the one with the wraparound porch yellow house, yes yellow and if you don’t like yellow that’s a dealbreaker, I simply like yellow maybe because my child hood home was yellow. And even my old condo was yellow remember the bathroom oh and the ceiling and hallway turned yellow who knew Belgian waffle was supposed to be tan not yellow but I stayed with it because I liked yellow. Anyways back to the story about futures and houses. Well I saw me and my husband sitting on that porch looking out at the yard of our family all generations including grandchildren. But yet I also think I will buy my childhood home and renovate it make it two stories like my ma wanted. My mom and Theresa could live on one floor complete with their own kitchen, bathroom and laundry room at 3 bedrooms for family visits and such and I would have the same on the second floor (still debating top or bottom floor) it must have an accessible floor maybe even an elevator as for some reason it is the philosophy in my family that we will all end up unable to walk upstairs when old. Granted people in their nineties can run marathons but in my family an inch difference in floor level will be inaccessible once we are really old. I know it doesn’t make sense but yet I plan for it anyway the house must be accessible but shouldn’t by law they all should what if you do have a guest in a wheelchair where are they going to go to bathroom or sleep let alone be able to sit with you in the living room. Houses just aren’t accessible enough. Did I digress I did back to the future.

The thing is when I view that house with my family I always viewed it as a second home but still three bedroom for all my family and friends that come and visit but I don’t see a husband. We all know that family just visits when you are older never really living with you at least that seeing the children fly from the nest type of thought. so why is it I have two houses one for me and my husband and our family and one for my sister, mom and I. It doesn’t make sense it is like I am living two different lives, but now that I am writing this I guess I am my life where I believe I am told I am loved on national tv by my husband and my one where I will always take care of my sister Theresa and my mom or at least that is how I am thinking now who knows what tomorrow will bring. Some surprise of Jennie you can’t…..

So maybe that is why all this time people don’t think I have any goals in life truth is I really don’t know am I the porch woman or the accessible childhood home for my mama. So mixed up right now who knows what direction I am going so I just live in both worlds until I know what is real. I really am sorry if you don’t think I think of you I have but in what realms. Just once I could know what is real like when I when to UW and was going to camp. It was so simple and straightforward then but now I don’t even know if you really are my husband. That must feel bad but seriously we never see each other and never talk to each other so what am I to really think or believe.

I should get going I have dance class today it has been really exciting dancing again, I knew I missed it but never really knew that it was like my oxygen.

Take care and much love,

Yours always Jennie

What you just read was a sample so of the language is updated and some not but for the most part this is an example email I used to write to mutemath and send it but then I got got email saying your emails are too personal and nobody reads them anyway. So I would just send them to myself at one point several times a day. But you get the idea this is the confusing world of Jennie Nawrocki.

It is almost like a great relief

Being in the eye of the storm

Before it was would or could

But too many signs

Too many notices

Just pacified, played or fooled

In making me stay watching

When they knew

I hadn’t disappeared

But maybe they always knew

The slow daily torture

With never a hope

That’s all it really is and was

So why worry

They really don’t care

Only one ending for

-Jennie Nawrocki

Two stores were side by side starting at the same time with the same resources but one just wasn’t liked or frequented. So one store had to stop and start again as a worker of the store next door changing its whole identity but in its home location because the other store bought it’s bankrupt store and was lucky to even get a job.

One well established home has another home begin across the street. All of a sudden a wall down the middle of the street prevents the homes from seeing each other. Then one day on one side of the wall the home owner is gotten held down with zip ties and forced to watch as their home is torn down brick by brick, then the wall in the middle of the street disappears. Seeing a mansion where nothing was and nothing where their home was and hands still tied together the previous home owner is told he must go home. But the home owner said you just took down my home brick from brick? The controller said this was never your home or land now go home. Beaten and tied walking away form what was thought home wondering and wandering where home was or is?

What really happened or was it a combination of both?

-Jennie Nawrocki

If you didn’t see or watch the Grammys you simply missed out legends new and old were there, since they were there they won.

-Jennie Nawrocki

When my mom divorced my dad in 1975. Women weren’t allowed to have credit cards or own homes without a male co signer. She had 5 children ranging in ages from 6 months to 13 years. She relied on government assistance to change laws so women didn’t have to have male co-signers, she also relied on the free and reduced lunch options and even food stamps. She went to work full time and school full time because she knew minimum wage does not support a family. We ate meals of baloney and bread for years. She managed her money so we had a roof, clothes and food. Heck my mom even made her own curtains and clothes. Everything was from scratch because it was cheaper. So when I hear that they want to take away funds for families like this because they think they will depend on the government welfare. Ha ha ha I was raised by my brothers and sister so my mom could work her ass off. Welfare as republicans call food stamps, Medicade and social security isn’t making people or humans dependent or manipulators of the system it is allowing families to breathe and spend time together. Not sure that if you heard a family that spends time together is more likely going to be have more productive members of society than those that don’t bond. Single parent families don’t devalue work they just choose to provide or work over family time.

-Jennie Nawrocki

Please tell me

How I was dating you or

Married to you?

One face mostly was seen

In my dreams

One face was relooked at

Time and again

So why? So how?

Could I cheat?

Choosing only one man.

For my sanity

Security

And yours.

Please understand

I am not cheating.

-Jennie Nawrocki

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

Silence

No understanding

No consensus

Just differences

-Jennie Nawrocki