I am writing not to myself in an email as I used to but to the public in this forum because not only is my public life ending but I wanted to speak and address some issues humans or people may have with me personally.
I would like to say thank you for those of you who finally listened and gave me the ability to earn a decent wage by working part time minimum wage at two jobs. It gives me the chance to eat more healthy and pay my bills. Which will take some time since I ran up my credit cards to pay for some food, hygienic supplies, replace my landlords tv which I poured a gallon of water over and taxes.
In addition, I was able to spend some money for a birthday present for myself. I bought a concert ticket to see Rob Thomas. Which the last two concerts I went to since I moved to New York City in the summer of 2014 was Eisley and Mute Math before Darren King left the band. All the other concerts I have tried to get tickets to since the summer of 2016 have either said there are no seats available even though the website said they weren’t sold out or was told sorry we overbooked the venue and will refund your tickets. Oh and the best one yet someone hacked into my email account changes my password and I lost a ticket that I purchased a year in advance. So to go to a concert was exciting.
That is one reason I am writing you now I got some of my energy back. I don’t know how to explain it but it has been a great feeling since. I think one of the reasons is that going to concerts and plays were my stress reliever. I lived through them and loved performing in community theatre too. I have always loved it just being in a Theatre is calming. While the songs were performed I said to myself this is my home. I really believe that. I have known for some time I am an explorer not a home body. I loved seeing new places and new things but I especially like music and theater. It was so nice just thinking about it puts a smile on my face. So again thank you again for giving me back one of my stress relievers even if it was for just one night.
I also felt like I saw one of my best friends last night. No Rob Thomas and I have never met but Matchbox20 was my first arena concert and it seems like we have been friends since I went to that one and wanted to go on tour ever since and practically did once when I went to alot of Mute Maths concert dates which was about half of the tour in the spring of 2012. There was a time these humans knew me and maybe even responded to me, but not anymore as my co-worker said “Make sure they never speak to her again.” Heck even my mother doesn’t recognize me as her daughter when she said all my children called me and we talked on my birthday. I just texted her and my other brother didn’t say anything. My one friend I am allowed to have according to the “system” as I call it doesn’t even recognize me as her daughter publicly. So the other stress relief of being with friends and family was gone too. As of last night completely eviscerated. They say well it is not so bad you have a cat. Yes, I have a cat but speaking in meows is not talking with another person. As far as I am concerned I have been placed into solitary confinement since I moved to New York City and especially since I lived in the Shelter system.
I hated every minute of living in the shelters because those women did everything they could to make my living arrangements miserable. The security guard even said one day as I was walking by the desk it is not going to stop until you move out of that room. Well I moved out of the shelter and they lied. They followed me and are teaching others to make my living space just as miserable if not worse than I was in the shelter. They taught me quickly the bad side and how cruel New York City can be. When they should’ve shown me how wonderful they could be as friends. Not once was I talked to by 90% of them. If I was they screamed and yelled at 24/7 I was there and I was supposed to be on bed rest but I got so stress out do to lack of stress relievers I popped a blood vessel in my eye which led to a retinal detachment because that same eye was supposed to have any more agitation after the blood vessel popped but I was hit in the eye, and poisoned so much so I was voraciously vomiting and had to go to the hospital. I also wasn’t allowed to sleep because they would literally yell outside my door all night long. This was all done by the leader of the “system”. As I said I hated every minute of it and I have not gained any respect for them since. Some people say I am being mean towards them because of their race. Let me ask you would you respect the team of people that made you partially blind and stole from you regularly and are still causing you headaches and emotional abuse? I found that behavior abhorrent and it really didn’t matter what color their skin was I was afraid of them then for permanently maiming Jennie Nawrocki and still don’t trust them now. And yes I have said I don’t like them to be my leader for if they could make Jennie Nawrocki partially blind to get what they want who knows what they would do to others who didn’t do what they said.
People have assumed that because these women are all one race I am a racist for not liking them? Again I ask would you like someone who stole from you, poisoned you, screamed at you while you were trying to sleep, didn’t allow access to the bathroom, lied to you. and prevented from allowing you to talk with friends and family.
Do I think a whole race of people can be this cruel NO, but I do think that anyone regardless of their ethnicity or religion that joins in this behavior to get someone to do what you want them to do is undeserving of respect.
So I don’t know how all of a sudden I was able to earn a decent paycheck and go to a concert but I certainly want to thank the person(s). Although I am not counting my chickens before their hatched because as far as I know those who run the “system” plan to make Jennie Nawrocki more scared and add on more worries basically making a person who disappeared from the public sphere even more miserable.
So again I say thank you to those regardless of the color of your skin or religion and if you ever really believed in me I am still thankful for you and am sorry you are gone from speaking to me and being my friend. It is sad to know how much you were there for Jennie Nawrocki before I knew you were in my world. Unfortunately, since I was blocked from so much for so long and still am (remember just this week I over heard a co-worker tell someone to make sure they never talk to Jennie Nawrocki again), I may never know how much of a friend you were and more importantly how much you really liked Jennie Nawrocki too. I should’ve understood you were there for me.