It is a well known thing that I confuse things or put things together that don’t belong together. For instance, transposing letters or words as I am speaking or typing.  I am infamous for not getting all my homophones right.  For example there, their and they’re, even double checking my writing I still get some of them mixed up.  Therefore (that time I got it right) I would and have taken it to the next step and associate concepts with items or people that wouldn’t normally have those associations.  

All to often, I will think as I walk around that person looks like this person or see them do something that reminds me of some one or something else.  Personally, I think some people do it on purpose but that is a whole other conversation.  If you don’t believe me think about advertising. We all know advertisers have suggestive themes to make you buy their products.  Well people can do that too.  Whenever someone wants something maybe for a birthday or their spouse complete the “honey do” list ( I don’t like the title of that either) it has been suggested to you indirectly or directly.  Well those same people could get you thinking about things you may never thought of or put together.  As a result, there are certain associations that my mind connects with certain people through past experiences. Believe me some of them do not go well together. Seriously, I have seen some nasty pictures as of late on social media that I literally want to throw my phone but stopped the urge because my complaints only seem to help it more.  Which is the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.  Yes, subliminal messaging works well on me and yes, it is that bad. Then you combine that with I am a confused person to begin with and my innate process of connecting things to what I already know, the situation gets even worse.

Let me give you an example of how this chain of events could take a wrong turn.  As babies we are gven those soft furry stuffed toys or blankets.  You have seen it or I am positive you have touched a stuffed toy and commented on how soft it is.  Heck before PETA mink coats were the thing, for several reasons even. Women in classic movies were always wanting them because they were soft and expensive.  Though soon and extremely right we were found out we evolved from needing to kill animals for their fur as our clothing.  So the softest synthetic fur came to be that is used today for all sorts of things including stuffed animals. We have even taken protecting animals even more by buying food and implementing grooming regimes to ensure they have a healthy coat of fur.  Which they then think as they pet their family friend, how soft their fur is.  

Well when I was a child I had this big white soft teddy bear, it was really big.  In fact, the half shirt I wore in Middle School and High School (man my teachers hated that shirt) fit very well on this white teddy bear and he is still wearing it to this day.  Though of course as a little girl I would hug, play and even lay my head on this teddy bear.  Now my family was also into Samoyed Dogs, if you haven’t seen one they are big white fluffy sled dogs, whose shedding could make several chihuahua sweaters. To continue with the putting things together in weird ways.  This one day I closed my eyes and could see a picture of me about to bury my head in a whole bunch of fur.  You would think nothing of it considering I had a whole bunch of white fluff in my life.  

Though here is where it takes the turn.  I almost screamed, well at least in my mind I did, I said what the heck, what am I doing? Ew! This is where social media can give subliminal messaging to. I started to think that fur is not good and you shouldn’t even hold a pet close to you your face or hug a pet because it is bad, sick and wrong.  That is why I became anxious I was like what is going on here? I freaked out a little to be honest.  Now it has gotten to the point where I get weirded out even thinking of petting an animal. How stupid is that, though that is the power of subliminal messaging and the horrible cycle I want to get out of before I question other perfectly normal things such as petting animals.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

My world is much different than it used to be.  I find myself at times feeling in between the old and new and no man’s land where nothing seems to move, all at the same time.  I am reminded of a scene in Castaway (if you haven’t seen the movie the next part spoils it, so stop reading see the movie and then read further).  It is when he is at an intersection and he has to decide which direction to go.  The open road stood before him but seemingly without direction or goal, for few who have achieved what he had are given a blank slate in which to rebuild their lives.  Did he forget where he grew up or came from “NO!” he will build on it and probably even explore new things. One never forgets their past, for it is always with them, but one never stops learning too.  When faced with an assumed wall or an open road choices have to be made, before they are made for you.
-Jennie Nawrocki 

Years have gone by when conversations had merit between the few people they involved. Topics ranged on moods, personalities and general comfort between the people talking.  However caution took hold and slowly less and less was mentioned.  I became lost in a world that seemed to connect to nothing.  When I actually talk with someone, my interest increases with unexplored topics, how they really feel and always a funny story.  There ain’t nothing like a few giggles and smiles to relieve the stress that may be occurring.  So my readers talk until your hearts content.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

I may be not able to focus on one thought, but one thing I’m told, I know is love your mother, she gave you life.

Happy Mother’s Day!

-Jennie Nawrocki 

Most of us have heard of the book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, if you haven’t, read it.  I personally don’t own a copy, though my mother had one.  I have gripped onto this story in several ways.  I even translated into French for a high assignment.  It was I think the only time I didn’t cry or get teary eyed reciting the story to my class in another language.  Most of the time by the end of The Giving Tree tears are streaming down my face really to even sobbing uncontrollably for it is one of my most loved, frightening and saddest books ever.  I feel this way because it tells of a love that was never reciprocated.  No matter what the tree offered she was still sat upon, a stump so happy her friend was back. That love that has perplexed me, has now become my life.  Really I have so little to offer anyone anymore for most of it is gone, hardly even a memory, except love.  The tree gave and gave until she had nothing, thinking he would love her just the same, by helping him so much, that is support, that is love. 

This is where the debate takes place.  Would you give so much of yourself, knowing you couldn’t grow fruit, leaves, limbs, or even rings to show your age anymore. We hear of sacrifices by men and women in the armed forces, or as cops, or even fire fighters.  They  do it for the love of their country and all the people within it.  That is support, that is love.  I ask is it silly, stupid, or insane to love something so much you are willing to sacrifice everything for it?  You don’t tell them they don’t love themselves for putting their lives on the line, so why would you say the tree doesn’t love herself her sacrifices was for the love of another person in a different way.  

The trees simple demands of wanting to love and be loved in return only left her a stump. This tree gave her life, even if she wanted to she couldn’t protect herself as trees have no defense against humans.  I ask you who was at fault the guy taking everything away until there was only a stump left or the tree that loved so much until she was a stump? Either answer makes me cry.

-Jennie Nawrocki