Home is a sanctuary a place to feel safe. I haven’t felt safe in years basically the day I moved into the homeless shelter. Everyday someone somehow implies or says I ( Jennie Nawrocki) should be hurt or dead. Even my sister said I should be shot at the breakfast table while having a conversation with my mom. I knew the day I would never have really help or support from my my mother again, it was the day I saw a sketch of a baby holding it mothers finger and said something like a baby is nothing without its mothers help. I kneeled on the ground crying begging for her to not support this because of what it implied. I never had my mother come to my rescue since and even since she has said it hurts me that I can’t help you. Recently, my mother mentioned that her town has the most expensive dentists in the country and she doesn’t live in LA or New York. Now I need a lot of dental work done my teeth are gross (that is a story for a different day). Though this reminded me of when I was planning to go to China and have my mother take care of my cat while there, she knew I was going she knew she had been the primary person to take care of my cat while gone and she got a cat right before I left so I had to find someone else to take care of my cat. So recently I have been thinking of moving near my mother as someone to be near her to help her but I am sure she doesn’t want me anywhere near her especially since the dentist comment.
Why does your mother act like this?
She has acted like this for me to turn myself in either into an insane asylum or somewhere else but it is obvious she doesn’t want me near her. she calls it tough love.
So what other options do I have sisters who I have been told are blocking me from living the life I want or the brothers who refuse to speak or have me anywhere near them and say no one cares about your opinion.
In the beginning what did I do I went to a person who I thought I trust confide in tell my feelings. And the response was listen to your mother and you don’t have your priorities in order. Which was ironic because they were the ones who said my mother can’t help me. One of those people also didn’t tell me about his dead wife for three years even though we saw each other every week for over ten years.
Who would you trust, where would you say my home is?
I used to think home was while traveling seeing new places new people and going to concerts but even after a few of those I started crying on the return flight more often.
So stop asking me to go home they are slowly pushing it so I have no choice to live without my family including my mother in isolation as I pretty much have been doing the since 2012 and we all know what happens to those in isolation for long periods of time.
So am I really going home yes going to concerts and traveling was home to me but it hasn’t given me any sanctuary since I was kicked in the shoulder by the lead singer.
No I am going because I have no choice. What pain or torture I will endure is going to happen just like the person who said next time you are going to get hurt and worse.
I am also going so we get to get to an agreement or on the same page because obviously if I believed for years the lead singer loved me he wouldn’t have tried to kick me in the head. So I am going to explain every time you changed your website you changed your number, you changed your name or loyalty and didn’t tell me or had to keep any secrets or surprises from me we weren’t on the same page you were writing pages without my knowledge and you knew it and created distractions so I wouldn’t know.
If you want to be in agreement or at least on the same page I have to know what you read or have written.
Secrets and surprises always cover their own secrets and story whether bad or good.
-Jennie Nawrocki
