My goodness i somehow made it through April.

or did I?

I don’t know what really happened

All I know is I feel the same about people as I did when the month began.

Be well

Be there for someone

You never know when it is needed

-Jennie Nawrocki

You have heard it with addiction

You have heard it with religion

Why on earth would you believe it with conversion?

People change religions

Not because they have to because it fulfills a purpose.

They found what they were missing they found what they needed.

People become addicted because they self medicate

Hide from what issues they have

Some say they are just replacing behaviors when sober

Some say they have genetic dispositions to need the chemical imbalance

But most people you talk with who have recovered from addiction say no one I mean no one can change their behavior but them

It comes from within not for someone else but within.

So you may think you are the one to change them no you weren’t

They found their reason their need their want to live without chemical dependency

Some say they find God afterwards, maybe they did get religious or maybe they didn’t

Not everyone who is sober from addiction finds God.

What it was is something deep inside they wanted, they needed

They found who they are

Not every Christian believes in God the same way which is why we have how many religions and denominations?

Even then say they are this or that but not devoted

It is what they want they needed.

Why in the world would you think the same of those who are transgender or gay?

There is no one forcing anyone to be gay.

No one encouraging them to change gender or to love the same gender.

They needed, they wanted it, they were born that way.

There is no conversion there is only someone deciding this is me.

Some know right when born some know later in life.

Believe me if we all knew right from the beginning we wouldn’t need therapy to find ourselves

Again therapist cannot stop addiction, they know what we have all known.

A person changes because they want to not because they were influenced.

The behavior may change with peers but the person inside doesn’t they always revert to their true selves, if they don’t know who that is yet.

So the less you tell someone what to be the less issues you will have

Believe me, why do you think a therapist asks questions?

Not to force someone but to have them find themselves.

Stop telling and start asking without judgement?

Be the listener.

Conflict always lessens when someone feels heard.

Listen

-Jennie Nawrocki

You had a way with words

Singing them in song

They traveled as a Phoenix flew

And achieved touchdowns for sentimental journeys

The rivers of melody

Were calm to cautious

Navigating each experience

Some fumbles but many successes

You found your supports

Adding to your family

Bringing us along every era

Even in the afterlife of poetic lyrics

You grow with each step

Never wobbling

Pulling yourself together stronger

Moving forward

Into the next stanza

And the chorus that emphasizes this moment

Defining your heart

Focused on what’s important

That those around you

Need you as much as you need them

Even if the next era is unimaginable

Your words will guide you as they always have

Speak for those who don’t know how to express themselves

With such music

It is healthy without too many tears

For emotional rollercoasters maybe be fast

But a song reverberates and continues just as the story does

So timeless but yet so telling

Of that world you entered

When you decided on the next tributary or even road

So continue you know what’s right

You sensed it all along

-Jennie Nawrocki

I realize you don’t know what to do.

You feel betrayed.

Heart has been broken.

I have told you everything.

Even the bad parts known.

Maybe it doesn’t make them better but at least there were no secrets.

I take responsibility for all I have known to be bad.

I apologize and have worked on mending the bad.

However I cannot want what I don’t desire and if I don’t see it or imagine it isn’t there it was probably something I didn’t want in the first place.

If it is something egregious and bad my fear and anger of it has kept me away.

However, if I loved it and wanted it, happiness only comes from thinking about it.

So envision what makes you calm and elated that is what you need.

-Jennie Nawrocki

I am slowing down my social media interactions.

Decided that it was the same story.

No new chapters.

You don’t want the same and I don’t want it either.

I need progress.

But I only descend deeper into hell.

I guess that is progress for those that want me there but for me it is everything I fight.

If I can’t live positive then something has to change.

So I thought social media would be good.

If it seems different I might return but why return somewhere negative.

To make positive but how?

-Jennie Nawrocki

The images I have seen

Astronomically scary

I am just as terrified of them as you

I lost so much sleep the week

Worrying about what I have seen

Not once have I said I liked that except for two.

And that wasn’t no scene

It was normal but man I hope that blond guy was onyx.

And the second was just being with Angel.

Otherwise that has been ruined also.

All I am saying is it has been a horrible week filled with horrible images.

You can say I had 98 bad images and two good if it was Onyx or Angel.

Too many nightmares.

-Jennie Nawrocki

All this time

Everything I have written to you days, weeks, month and years of writing

I realized something.

I am horrible on follow through with relationships.

I know how to get them started

I definitely know how to end them

But the inbetween

The daily checking is difficult

How do you keep it uplifting?

How do you maintain that connection that brought you together

And most importantly how in the world do you manage more than 20 friends and family at a time.

For awhile it seems I was always on the phone

Calls, emails, texts social media accounts, the news

How do you keep up with it?

I should know this right?

But I really don’t.

I understand when I hear people say you have 5 or 10 minutes but what do you do in a crisis?

This is so complicated?

Hence why social correspondence is mostly done at night right?

But how?

I say all the time maintain those relationships to keep our world strong but how?

More to come, I am on the path, to road to finding out how to maintain relationships.

If you have any ideas, let me know!

-Jennie Nawrocki

The Oscars are tonight

It is my Super Bowl

The rounding out of the previous year.

Every award has been given out

Every trophy has been raised in celebration

The year 2023 is only a memory after this.

Just retelling of stories past unless a sequel then maybe not so much.

But I will say this if we all played our part whoever is on that stage tonight obviously was chosen for a reason

Was your part any less HELL NO.

Believe me the butterfly effect is true and we are all in this together they were just the squeaky wheel this year.

You all were excellent but unfortunately some of those who had it harder than others.

May not get the appreciation they deserve so today I am honoring you, the ones who need the awards but never were noticed.

My friends never forget you are valued.

-Jennie Nawrocki

All I have to say is:

Life is better off if you just start treating people with respect.

Goodness gracious I can’t believe March Madness is here.

Whatever bracket you have go Knicks all the way 😂

-Jennie Nawrocki

I have said some things I shouldn’t

I have confused goodbye with hello

I have confused one person with another person

I haven’t understood who was with me but couldn’t be because the were defending me from afar

I definitely don’t understand who are all the voices in my head

I definitely hate how when you ask a question I respond to one layer of it and really you are asking something else.

What are we doing? Why so much confusion?

I entered a world where I don’t speak the language never really spoke the language and now am expected to understand

I also brought lots of emotional baggage and untrust

How do I interact now?

-Jennie Nawrocki