Wondering

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Sleeping is a dream
thoughts occupy
wondering
    wondering
        wondering
how shall I live
how shall I speak
wondering
    wondering
        wondering
it’s all unconventional
seeming surrealistic at best
wondering
    wondering
        wondering
have I failed
have I stood for
wondering
    wondering
        wondering
what if I am happy
just as I am
wondering
    wondering
        wondering
off to sleep.

-Jennie Nawrocki

Ready?

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“AMBER! You’re gonna be late!” her roommate screams up the stairs.

The bathroom fan muffles the sound of her own voice as she replies “What time is it?”

“It’s 10 pass the hour, you will never make it on time” exasperated.

“I just have to finish putting on my makeup.”  Knowing that was a lie, she said it anyway, it would keep her roommate from asking again, for at least 5 minutes.  She still had to pack her purse and figure out what shoes she was going to wear.

Amber liked her roommate for keeping track of time for she hated watches, thought they were too bulky and the thought of taking her phone into the bathroom while showering would be the same as eating cereal on the toilet, disgusting!  Seriously, you might as well live on the toilet if you are going to do that, shoveling it in one way as it comes out the other, Ugh!  It made her shiver at the thought but it made her shiver even more that she had done it a few times herself.  As she shook her head her hand quivered and the liquid eye liner she was applying became uneven, “Crap!  Now I have start again.”

Amber knew she was never good at this stuff.  It wasn’t that she didn’t like make up, she just never had a steady hand.  She admired the artists and regular women who could draw a smooth line.  Her hand eye coordination was never good anyway.  Amber gave up on using the track pad of her laptop and used the Hello Kitty mouse plugged into her USB drive she was given as a present instead.  Totally not her style but it was the result of when she and her roommate ended up going shopping after several hours of failing to master the track pad.  It seemed to happen very quickly, she remembers being at the store looking at some new computer programs when her roommate walks up to her with bag in hand and said “Let’s go.”  What could she say, she didn’t want to disappoint her, she was compelled to keep it, just like this liquid eye liner that is meant to make your eyes pop.

Looking in the mirror though, she felt she looked more like a raccoon than anything else.  Washing off the eye make up and going back to her old eye liner and her way of putting on makeup, she finished.  She knew she didn’t look like a model but she didn’t think she was the elephant man either.  She quickly put away her things and went into her bedroom.

Picking the right shoes was always a problem, why couldn’t she wear her tennis shoes.  She always like them, even had a couple of the same pair.  As she stares at all the shoes in her closet she hears, “AMBER!”

“I’m coming!” realizing she had to hurry she grabs the boots that are her fall back shoes when wearing dresses.  The boots are extremely comfortable and keep her legs warm, their was always a side of practicality to her choices.  After she packs her purse rushes downstairs, she was ready and wasn’t late.

“I see you decided to go curly.  I really wish you would cut your bangs, I hate them hanging in your face like that.  Here this is what you need to do.”  Standing in the doorway lifeless as her roommate redoes her hair, spits on her thumb to wipe away the make up she just redid.  “Now that is better, look don’t you look better?”

Glancing in the hallway mirror, knowing she was late and it would make her roommate unhappy, she just nods her head hoping she could leave.

As she puts on her coat she hears “You know that other dress would be better, I like that dress, it really makes you look better.”

“I am already late!”  Amber snaps.

“Don’t get all huffy with me.  You are the one that didn’t give yourself enough time. You should really put on that dress!” Her roommate retorts.

Amber knew she wasn’t going no where unless she changed.  Reluctantly she went upstairs put on the other dress and came back down.  Begins putting on her coat, opens the door.  Her roommate says, “Bye have a good time, don’t stay out too late, you never know who you will run into.”

“Bye, see you later.” Amber says solemnly as she walks out the door a completely different person.

Penaugural

Standard

it had no intention
just expressions of emotions
gratitude, compassion
a venting of sad, mad and glad

there wasn’t an audience
only thoughts transcribed
absent of any expectations
or knowledge of the future

never meeting beyond a look
hearing only stories
superficial of soul
soon to be opened unconsciously

underneath layers provide meaning
emotions suppressed by daily actions
feelings have greater substance
interactions begin to blossom with understanding

no longer are there separate entities
just unexplained coincidences
occurrences begin with purpose
a depth of personal reflection revealed

changing insight with the life of today
wondering is this the direction of the future
unclear of everything transpiring around
writing turns explosive through external transitions

What is real? What is fantasy?
the reader begins deciding the fate
everyone begins to get involved
this is how it should turn out

it has already been published
just a rearrangement of words
thoughts are recycled by the masses
for the benefit of the individual reader

shut out the white noise, conflicting agendas
find ways to survive on learned loses and new insights
encounters no longer shows of fiction
rather truth begins to break character

the impact becomes personal
without an underlying facade
we are now able to base our thoughts, our actions
on a surface that isn’t hard as a rock.

-Jennie Nawrocki

Christmas

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leading stars
glowing moon
no alarm needed
still waiting for the hour

wonders abound
hopeful wishes
hints to be fulfilled
everything you wanted

silently step
wear something
camera flashes
plentiful treasures

flip of a switch
darkness breeds color
reflecting emptiness
by peace bounding

beverages to brew
waking coffee
temperate tea
warm cocoa

something for everyone
gathering their stockings
unloading the first
goods of the morn

little trinkets and sweets
eating candy
before breakfast
only once a year

Santas passes
presents one by one
plentiful surprises
hidden under decorative wrap

What is it?
fast or slow
covers removed
revealing desires

gasping awes
can it be
it really is
such a shock

dreams come alive
thank you
something I always wanted
spending time with you

Pets

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warm greetings
upon entering
settled chaos
within the soul

a gentle lean
as they walk
smelling to see
is it really you

a little jump
a soft purr
relax for a moment
don’t go anywhere

eternity passed
since we last met
stories to tell
amongst memories

nestled closely
brings lasting
comforted slumber
play has been ceased

-jennie nawrocki

Sadness

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bodies tainted with fear
identities disappeared
innocence lost
forever scarred

devastation rages
void of all compassion
not seeing the soul
only the target

gunned into submission
until broken of life
a box for the victims
remembered under granite

saline filled memories
cease the pain
through solutions unfolded
awareness breeds prevention

-Jennie Nawrocki

From Fantasy to Reality

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the fantasy of love is
rainbows wrapped in cotton candy
finding magical unicorns
romance in moonbeams
a dozen red roses ten times over
knights in shiny armor
buggy rides through the city lights
running amongst wildflowers
strolls to the beach
your dreamy happy ending
all are fireworks to explode

uncovering the realities of love is
picking up laundry soap after a long day
listening to the same story over and over again
being with someone when they don’t want to talk
cooking a dish you despise because they like it
playing cards with someone who isn’t in for the win
making a person laugh that is angry, sad, or happy
knowing when to let go
painting a wall again because it was a shade off
waiting at the DMV together
sews together the hidden truth of relationships

-Jennie Nawrocki

Never

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I never imagined you would let me down
I never believed my trust would dissipate
I never thought you would put words into anothers mouth
I never wanted to stray from your love

Never Say Never

I never felt my heart explode
I never cried in public
I never had sadness or disappointment rule
I never knew evil wins over good

Never Say Never

I never pondered I would be a card catalog for communication
I never saw so many people say two different things
I never viewed a photo as a weapon
I never understood how when I said “stop” you took it as a yes

Never Say Never

I never stuck through the hardships of love
I never sought the comfort of another untainted with fear
I never participated in sharing emotions with no judgement
I never was open to be vulnerable enough for love

Never Say Never

-Jennie Nawrocki

Hidden

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sole communication is widely viewed
forever extinct with extreme fortitude
I only have thoughts to squeal
of love so pure, so real
it ain’t the truth
it’s all in the mind
our story forever intertwined
will it ever be fine
I am told only in time
that you would be mine
a cross of the finger
my thoughts permanently linger
I no longer believe in fate
living only to remain in a curious state
will I ever be free
from the lies that people believe
hidden forces preventing progress
provide my world of emptiness
feeling of permanent defeat
leave me with words to repeat
all I have is this poem
telling you this is my home
in the arms of my love
protecting each other from danger above

-Jennie Nawrocki

Venting

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let the air out
breathe clean

creating steam
through concoctions
manufactured products
labored energy

let the air out
breathe clean

connected interactions
proceed with caution
results will escalate
regardless of planning

let the air out
breathe clean

filter construction
through inspection maintain
proper disposal of contaminates
distribute only the sustainable

let the air out
breathe clean

-Jennie Nawrocki