Down the stairs
under the wheeled gateway
tunnels of options
Where is it?
What is it?
pick, choose, decide
the beggar has spoken
past the middle
split from the push of the flow
direction emerging
towards an opening from above.
-Jennie Nawrocki
If I saw the way you were
I would want to hide the truth too
I don’t pretend not to notice
I just choose not to fight
Sometimes I forget then I don’t play stupid
I see through your play on words
Thinking she wont notice
Really it is all a game
Who can play make believe
I am ok
Living in my fake world
Just don’t disrespect me
for doing the same things that you do.
-Jennie Nawrocki
Open, Open, Open me
See what is inside
My present is only connected
Through my past
All misdeeds become a broken record
Never to escape only to be posted
For others to read my wall of mistakes
Only the law was upheld
Breaking hearts, failed communication
Was my resume, never to be forgiven
External exile was my fate
Closed from damaging anymore.
-Jennie Nawrocki
each day I sit
I do nothing,
sleep, eat, ponder.
a waste of time?
all around me are walls
white walls
with white floors,
doors, even handles.
someone said “go”
do what you want
it is up to you?
is it?
what about family, friends?
do they have a say?
is it ours or is it mine?
I do nothing,
sleep, eat, ponder.
the walls could be colorful,
theatrical, hospital
they could be anything.
what about furniture?
art deco, victorian, modern,
even goodwill eclectic.
I do nothing,
sleep, eat, ponder.
finally, I pick up a paint brush
but what color?
it will define my life,
it will define me
I do nothing,
sleep, eat, ponder.
then I decide
slow, easy, don’t overdue it.
so I ask, how is it?
do you think it will be ok?
they say “sure, fine,
just HURRY, do something”
what are they really thinking?
I stop.
I do nothing,
sleep, eat, ponder
I start again
this time I tell no one
only those closest to me
supporters without judgement
criticism that aides
people I trust.
I create, I build, I live
What happened to the
white room?
-Jennie Nawrocki
I saw you there being you
nothing was hidden
no question of who are you,
plain everyday person
Without reservation I fell in love
with the kindness, compassion, and honesty
the same qualities i wanted in you
Though nothing was real
buried and covered was the view
who was the person under the cape
I wanted to know
Without reservation I pulled back
I didn’t want it that way
I just wanted you
There you are constant undying that I can’t deny
Your only super power is love
its the one that keeps everything together
its the one thing you can’t hide
Without reservation I see now the real you
a person with kindness, compassion and honesty
the same person I will always love.
-Jennie Nawrocki
She walks down the street, there are signs everywhere. Reading each one, taking in its size, shape and meaning. Each day they are give feelings of anger, sadness, laughter and pure happiness. They are clear remembering them a sign is information, it is up to the viewer to take action.
Somedays she follows the sign buying milk for her coffee, new shoes for 60% off, takes a right to go to the zoo, supports a chair, even to see a play.
Today she goes for lunch.
”Hi Larry!” Smiling big.
”Amber it has been awhile, pastrami sandwich on rye, no mayo, everyday I keep the best slices for you.” Larry’s heart is pumping.
”That is sweet Larry, thank you! You know me so well.”
Getting out the bread ”I try to know all my customers, you, you I prefer to see everyday.”
Blushing Amber squeaks ” You are the reason I come in here, too.”
She looks at him while he spreads the tomato slices. He is cute, funny, and nice.
He sprinkles the lettuce I wonder if she will go out with me, if only she gave me a sign, something that tells me she is interested, something.
She then asks ”Did you se that sign up on Sassafras? The Tempest, one of Shakespeare’s finest.”
”That and Hamlet are always seat edgers for me.”
”Right, I swear immobilizing beams come and paralyze me every time the lights dim. I was thinking I would buy tickets, I just need to find someone to go with” Amber hinting.
”That will be $6.52. What about Reba? Don’t you always take her.”
Handing over her card ”Yeah I could.”
Sliding the card I would really love to go, but she has someone. ”oh, he says have fun.”
Why wont he say he wants to go, I really want to go with him. Placing the well used card in her purse.
I really want to go with her, he dreams as he hands her the sandwich.
”Maybe tonight I will buy tickets, it would be a nice show to see.” Hoping she says come with me.
”That is a good idea I really look forward to it!” hoping he would invite her. ”Gotta go or the boss will ride me. Bye.” Sighing as she smiles and waves.
She heads back to work thinking why wouldn’t he give me a sign.
He watches the door swing close, why didn’t she give me a sign.
-Jennie Nawrocki
Up and down
forward rolling
slowly losing
its force, its motion
Pick it up
throw harder
with gusto
does it last longer?
Try again
all your might
same result
soon it stops
Hit the wall
at every angle
watch it fly
eventually halting
Stretch your mind
your state of being
notice the difference
the movement is endless
Stay with it
help it along
gentle tap
Focus is the key
It is up to you
which way
how fast, how slow
it changes with you
it moves high
it rolls low
the bounce continues
only resting when you do
-Jennie Nawrocki
Illusions say to us what we want them to say
Dreams say what we want the future to be
Reality says to us things we don’t always want to hear
I say thoughts that aren’t always about you
I stay up worrying about everything and nothing
It is about where do I fit?
What am I to you?
Why?
Always the same questions?
This time I don’t know what to expect
We weren’t what we were yesterday
We are not what we are today
What will we be tomorrow?
If I believe I am crazy, if I don’t believe I am crazy
I don’t want to be a hollow shell of myself,
I don’t like being lost in my mind, lonely
I want to be real, present, with you
Today, tomorrow and forever after.
Is that an illusion, dream or reality?
-Jennie Nawrocki
“I will go there.”
“Where?”
“to the ends of the earth”
“but the earth is round and always spinning…. won’t you get dizzy become passed out never seeing the end, never being finished”
“Why would I want it to be final?”
“then you can stop, rest and live your live the way you are supposed to everyone needs to do that!”
“but where is the fun in that? I get to see the world”
“You will be broke and torn!”
“Wouldn’t you want to be the one item in the Antique store that the edges are worn from wear?”
“I thought fresh out of the box was better?”
“For a museum, maybe who wants to be always fragile and never touched. Where are the scars that tell the stories, there is no life in it, just something to admire.”
“It’s safe!”
“It’s boring!”
“Go then, don’t blame me for not warning you”
“I have already fallen’ into a centrifuge separated from the core.”
“I always knew you were missing a few parts.”
“That’s right, little bits of me floating in space.”
“Space? Out of this World? Don’t you want to be home?”
“Home is where the heart is.”
“yuch, this again!”
“It’s true, don’t you see?”
“See what?”
“That is exactly my point!”
“You see what you want to see.”
“You’re confusing me.”
“I know, I’m confused myself…those must be the missing parts”
“You got me spinning”
“That is what I am trying not to do. My mind, body, spirit or soul, however you want to call it, even my heart were floating everywhere, I chose to follow my heart.”
“STOP talking in Hallmark cards!”
“Again that is my point!”
“A Hallmark card has something for everyone. Some are disappointing, sad, humorous, enduring, cheerful….you get me. However they are all given to display and affirm love.”
“Love? You have really gone crazy now!”
“You always feel loved when I am around haven’t you?”
“Yes, mostly well there was this one time….”
“I swear if you bring that up….”
“You really need to learn to lighten up…..maybe that is the missing part? Sometimes you aren’t always here.”
“Precisely!”
“Circles we are spinning circles”
“I was here but this bit was over here and this person had this, I was never together, that is why I need to go.”
“Won’t that pull you further apart, being everywhere…..Where is it you are going you have said yet?”
“Not quite sure.”
“Then why leave?”
“cause I am not all here, I need to be there to be here.”
“You are exhausting.”
“Sleep any chance I get these days.”
“You must be going on a quest, you are not looking for the Holy Grail are you?”
“Even Monty Python thought that was funny. I know what I want and where it is.”
“Then what is it? Don’t tell me Precious Moments, now I am getting sick”
“So was I!”
“Then stop!”
“Would you stop if you didn’t feel full?”
“Don’t get me started talking about food, you know how I love to eat.”
“So do I, but we will do that later.”
“What’s later?”
“Eating!”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I already told you to the ends of the earth”
“Oh, we are back on that again.”
“Look I will always be what you wanted me to be successful, respected and loved, though this time it will be different I will be satisfied because I have everything I have always wanted.”
“But you won’t be here.”
“I will, there will be more of me here then ever before…all because I went to the ends of the earth to follow my heart, to be with my soul and have my body feel one with another.”
“More Hallmark cards!”
“Think of it this way. Because you picked the card for you, you will always feel loved for the fact I have sent the love just the way you need it.”
“This is starting to get very cheesy.”
“Yeah! I am ready to go to Dick’s now.”
“Are you calling me a Dick?”
“You can be, but I want a Dick’s cheeseburger.”
“Good because I don’t even have one, but I will take one of those.”
-Jennie Nawrocki
It’s late at night in the middle of downtown. Bricks reflect the wet of the ceased rain aided from the permanent illuminance of the street lamps along side the building names. I find a dry spot just atop “blank was here” where I am thankful to rest. Inhaling deep breaths glad to be starting the final piece of my waking day. What do I have left to do, I must check my phone. I check all my network sites without emotion, just to put it away to wait for the next bus. Covering my legs I look over at the people standing, seeing a woman handing out material to people with them avoiding her as though she had the bird flu or worse yet wasn’t pc.
She was running out of time.
She soon would be coming my way. I check my phone only for the time, hoping that I wouldn’t face an encounter also. A bus came providing a mere hour before even the first person could request a stop. Swarming to get the best seat just to breathe. It is all empty now, just me a few other people and her. It was going to happen, bound to happen.
She was running out of time.
Debating ipod on or off, I should make a phone call so off but it is frigid the gloves must stay on to feel even a slight warmth. Then it happens as I look down at the brick multiplying my feet, I see Jesus saves us because Armageddon is coming, you must prepare, you must know. She is happy I talk with her, even smile in her direction. She sets down her torn bag, crouched to sit, to breathe but didn’t. I didn’t want her to either but then I saw, this elderly woman in what seem to be the last of her very tender years of pain and distraught. She had only an underbite full of darken, pointed almost wooden teeth. Grey hair poking out of a beanie cap, those beautiful cat eye glasses. Wearing a plaid charcoal coat covering the pleated shirt without straight lines ending with frayed edges towards her black tights and nursing shoes. I started to melt with empathy, she wasn’t going to hurt me, I misjudged, she only wanted the same thing I did to sit and breathe.
She was running out of time.
Pulling out her vintage bible trusting me to hold her most precious piece “read” I read allowed the verse she pointed to with confidence. It was written partially in Hebrew, the words were Hebrew within the bible, huh I don’t understand. Helping me pronounce the passage, she says it is coming Armageddon, Armageddon be prepared. What shocked me was that was, she left, gathered up her stuff and left. Walking away less than a step at a time towards the next person, please someone listen to her. The next person will, probably thinking I must get the word out.
She was running out of time.
I watched her struggling to walk, thinking how her day must look, Where she will go? What does she do? Was she happy? She seemed happy, but all the people that shame her everyday. I thought what could I do to help people like her? Why was I so cautious? She only wanted to talk, she only wanted.
She was running out of time.
Skimming the mini booklets. Jehovah’s Witnesses wanted, needed people to follow the greatest man, Lord for he will come and bring Armageddon. Folding the newspaper of a book, I could only think, how can she throw her life away to do this, just this? She looks as though a month spent in a hospital would only be the beginning of her recovery. If I throw away the words, will I disrespect her? or Do I disrespect myself by believing any of it? She is just a loon, this material is debunk, complete fooey? I couldn’t decide? Others would have had no second guesses but me, I am different? I can’t decide?
I am running out of time.
The bus comes, I take one last breath and board the bus just as I do, letting the papers fall in the trash. It seemed so easy,. Hopefully she didn’t notice, hopefully she didn’t see. She gave with love and I just threw it away to move on with my day. Although why did I feel so guilty?
I chose how to spend my time.
PS this is a true story, no parts are fictionalized or meant to represent anything else.
-Jennie Nawrocki
penaugural 