I am almost 50

A half century

A gen x’er

Latch key 🔑 kid

I walked everywhere

I could cook and clean a house by the age of 8.

The microwave, videos, cable and internet was invented during my time.

I saw manufacturing jobs turn into high tech.

But for some reason

When I eat I still have a plate 🍽️ with a fork and knife in front of me and the server asks what will you have.

It is the only customer service left, besides the DMV.

Why?

Because we know talking and eating is survival and we don’t want no freaking robot to regulate our food intake and feed us like babies.

We like to control ourselves, because we have been taking care of ourselves ever since you labeled us latchkey kids.

Just for goodness sakes make sure there is kool aide and something in the fridge.

We will be good and the house will be clean so we don’t get yelled at.

-Jennie Nawrocki

Feeling like my whole life has been public for years I don’t mind writing this personal experience because I don’t feel you have heard my perspective or my side of the story.

There is no denying that humans use me as a shield to cover themselves, pretending to me when they weren’t. Often projecting their narrative of what they want me to be rather than letting me speak or even be in the room when they are having the conversation.

I have a question though!

If you wait until you are in total control and never speak or write to me for years even when written to and called because talking to me would be seen as an accomplice, an enabler, a contributor, and active participant. Then all of a sudden call me and say hey how have you been as if nothing happened.

Who is the toxic one?

When you don’t know what has happened in their lives, missing births of babies, graduations even deaths after you have given your phone number, email and all social media locations because I only was given a mirror. Then they say they are surprised that I didn’t know.

Who is the toxic one?

When you say I am still Jennie that they used to be proud of and compliment regularly. They get upset.

Who is the toxic one?

When they want to forget you never were in their lives deleting or changing all conversations and pictures even the ones where they said they loved you and thought you were the best. Then tell you it never happened you were never a friend or even family.

Who is the toxic one?

When you can’t even make dinner for someone for their birthday.

Who is the toxic one?

When you are told this person loves you. You will meet and marry and never have. Turns out they weren’t talking to you just relaying a relatives or another’s persons story. Then say you were married they just hated you the whole time and wanted to screw with you.

Who is the toxic one?

Listening is important but when someone says F*** your feelings. To the point where there are no rules as long as Jennie Nawrocki doesn’t win.

Jennie Nawrocki isn’t the toxic one.

-Jennie Nawrocki

Y’all think I don’t know

Y’all think I am stupid

Y’all think I am insane

Y’all think I am ready to blow

When really I just want friends in a world that respects me.

Y’all say I can win

Y’all say I am a liar

Y’all say I am a b*****

Y’all say I am a c***

When really I just want friends in a world that respects me

Before I was patient

Before I was empathetic

Before I was hard working

Before I was trustworthy

When really I just want friends in a world that respects me

I am patient

I am empathetic

I am hard working

I am trust worthy

When really I just want friends in a world that respects me

Respects me

Respects me

Will you like me?

-Jennie Nawrocki

Somehow she was there

Somehow she furthered my education

Somehow she bought me things I needed

Somehow there was always food on the table

Somehow there was an implied or spoken I believe in you

Somehow we always got our present even if two or three years later

Somehow she made things better

Those somehows were always within the limits of the law

Because somehow she maintained the law

Because if you lied it was always a worse punishment

Regardless of how, I still love you mom

-Jennie Nawrocki

There is much controversy over the fact whether or not teachers can tell whether or not they are gay or lesbian.

I can’t remember a teacher that didn’t have a picture of their family somewhere in their room. Or would say I am going home to my husband and wife and so many kids.

We knew if they were straight and we knew when they were gay. We also knew if they had kids.

When Ellen DeGeneres was married she being a nationally syndicated openly lesbian daytimes talk show host.

She had children all the time on her show and watching her show because it was a daytime show. No bad effects.

Who is spreading this nonsense has to be a Putin or Sharia Law helper.

Or

They just don’t want to admit they are prejudiced and haven’t read my thoughts on the fact you can’t convert one way or the other.

What matters in school is a respectful environment, if you can’t handle that, I am afraid for your coworkers now and the hostile environment you create.

-Jennie Nawrocki

My goodness i somehow made it through April.

or did I?

I don’t know what really happened

All I know is I feel the same about people as I did when the month began.

Be well

Be there for someone

You never know when it is needed

-Jennie Nawrocki

You have heard it with addiction

You have heard it with religion

Why on earth would you believe it with conversion?

People change religions

Not because they have to because it fulfills a purpose.

They found what they were missing they found what they needed.

People become addicted because they self medicate

Hide from what issues they have

Some say they are just replacing behaviors when sober

Some say they have genetic dispositions to need the chemical imbalance

But most people you talk with who have recovered from addiction say no one I mean no one can change their behavior but them

It comes from within not for someone else but within.

So you may think you are the one to change them no you weren’t

They found their reason their need their want to live without chemical dependency

Some say they find God afterwards, maybe they did get religious or maybe they didn’t

Not everyone who is sober from addiction finds God.

What it was is something deep inside they wanted, they needed

They found who they are

Not every Christian believes in God the same way which is why we have how many religions and denominations?

Even then say they are this or that but not devoted

It is what they want they needed.

Why in the world would you think the same of those who are transgender or gay?

There is no one forcing anyone to be gay.

No one encouraging them to change gender or to love the same gender.

They needed, they wanted it, they were born that way.

There is no conversion there is only someone deciding this is me.

Some know right when born some know later in life.

Believe me if we all knew right from the beginning we wouldn’t need therapy to find ourselves

Again therapist cannot stop addiction, they know what we have all known.

A person changes because they want to not because they were influenced.

The behavior may change with peers but the person inside doesn’t they always revert to their true selves, if they don’t know who that is yet.

So the less you tell someone what to be the less issues you will have

Believe me, why do you think a therapist asks questions?

Not to force someone but to have them find themselves.

Stop telling and start asking without judgement?

Be the listener.

Conflict always lessens when someone feels heard.

Listen

-Jennie Nawrocki

You had a way with words

Singing them in song

They traveled as a Phoenix flew

And achieved touchdowns for sentimental journeys

The rivers of melody

Were calm to cautious

Navigating each experience

Some fumbles but many successes

You found your supports

Adding to your family

Bringing us along every era

Even in the afterlife of poetic lyrics

You grow with each step

Never wobbling

Pulling yourself together stronger

Moving forward

Into the next stanza

And the chorus that emphasizes this moment

Defining your heart

Focused on what’s important

That those around you

Need you as much as you need them

Even if the next era is unimaginable

Your words will guide you as they always have

Speak for those who don’t know how to express themselves

With such music

It is healthy without too many tears

For emotional rollercoasters maybe be fast

But a song reverberates and continues just as the story does

So timeless but yet so telling

Of that world you entered

When you decided on the next tributary or even road

So continue you know what’s right

You sensed it all along

-Jennie Nawrocki

I realize you don’t know what to do.

You feel betrayed.

Heart has been broken.

I have told you everything.

Even the bad parts known.

Maybe it doesn’t make them better but at least there were no secrets.

I take responsibility for all I have known to be bad.

I apologize and have worked on mending the bad.

However I cannot want what I don’t desire and if I don’t see it or imagine it isn’t there it was probably something I didn’t want in the first place.

If it is something egregious and bad my fear and anger of it has kept me away.

However, if I loved it and wanted it, happiness only comes from thinking about it.

So envision what makes you calm and elated that is what you need.

-Jennie Nawrocki

I am slowing down my social media interactions.

Decided that it was the same story.

No new chapters.

You don’t want the same and I don’t want it either.

I need progress.

But I only descend deeper into hell.

I guess that is progress for those that want me there but for me it is everything I fight.

If I can’t live positive then something has to change.

So I thought social media would be good.

If it seems different I might return but why return somewhere negative.

To make positive but how?

-Jennie Nawrocki