There is something to be said for someone who perseveres through tragedy, either unsuccessfully or successfully.  It takes abilities one never thought they had.  While no one really close to me has passed away, I had tragedy in other ways.  Many of you know I make mistakes often.  Language wise you would not believe how many English teachers frowned at my works.  In 6th grade my teacher would say from across the room “Can you spell the word girl?” Embarrassing, quizzical, and it basically put me on the spot in front of the whole class, though for some reason I always answered it correctly.  However those pop quizzes never prepared me for the responses to my papers later on.  I remember crying in a cafe when speaking to the head of the Special Ed department (my masters program) about my masters thesis introduction on teaching students with disabilities.  I couldn’t tell you the amount of tears I cried over words on a page throughout my education. 

Well this goes with relationships too, I haven’t many friends or friends that lasted long.  It seems no matter what I do I am unable to maintain friendships.  Most of the time rather than discussing with me about it, they just disappeared or made excuses as to why they can’t see me.  Now I don’t equate these to other horrendous tragedies though they do humble a person completely. 

Though the friends I do have are ones I can confide in or trust unequivocally and have heard my thoughts on this often.  I am apt to think about it as the president goes to Cuba.  It takes another perspective and new approaches to work through differences.  One must remember mistakes so they don’t make them again, one must also remember how many versions of Windows and other items need updates to fix problems and accommodate increasing necessities.  We all continue to persevere through our challenges.

-Jennie Nawrocki

They met many years ago, the two never knew anything of each other.  Growing up in different cities, they had extremely different lives. The worlds they knew, the home town memories they had, don’t compare to when their lives entangled, permanently mixed and affected by one another.  Strangers really, but knowledge seemed unconscious. Actions seemed parallel and similar.  Though they never saw each other or had personal conversations.  Just the feeling of their presence, within their thoughts.  Something that saying choose this, why, it makes sense that’s all.  Feeling that comfort of them together, undescribable, though forever desired.

-Jennie Nawrocki

People always ask me how I am doing? It is the usual small talk question that shows concern for someone.  These statements of regular conversation are never insignificant, because they establish the relationship between people. How they are said, vernacular used and the body language that goes with it.  Even when one is busy it is courtesy to have these.  Though for some reason, I have misplaced them and start with subject matter.  It is like eating the burger without the bun, lettuce, tomato, ketchup…you name it.  These are conversation pieces that make communication.  Why eat just the meat?  Really it comes down to the past.  My past, present and future, I interpret as very complex, to the most finite detail.  I slowly am explaining its intricacies to you my readers.  It is difficult to say the least,  for so much public knowledge is tied to private things, I want to keep private.  As a result, if you are working to build that perfect burger for every conversation?  I am there with you.

-Jennifer Nawrocki 

There was a day that they said robots would be apart of our lives.  We already have drones, we live on the dependence of technology. Cars can start, stop, park and drive themselves, cash is rarely seen.  Some areas have advanced so much that medical technology is healing people without their knowledge.  We are working very hard towards a cure for cancer.  Maybe one day our bodily systems might be controlled.  Spontaneous cell reproduction replaces harmful damaged ones.  Imagine the healthy people, the longevity of lives, that will be saved through the advancement of technology. 

To doubt it’s possibilities is to also doubt the mishaps of technology gone askew.  What if that same car stops or starts at the wrong time? A bug or virus in your phone can be fixed with an update but when you are driving on the rod not so much.  I want to see the world progress well.  I am willing to support successes leading to enhance the lives of all living things.  The phylosophy for these things to occur has been enclosed for me to focus on certain things, requiring for someone like me who always had a wandering mind dealing with known and unknown entities on several layers, swelling emotions to abnormal levels, requiring answers, for the future has arrived making the world safer for each person working together.

-Jennie Nawrocki

In 1982, way back before their was Internet, heck MTV came out less than a year before, the things I remember.  Anyhow, my mom took me to Disneyland for the first time.  We stayed for about a week had a rental car and a hotel not too far away but cheaper then the real close ones.  We we very poor back then.

Well one day we drove in pretty late so we had to go to one of those way back lots that is so far from the gate you need a tram to get the entrance.  Well, I watched everything as we drove in so excited to be at Disneyland, it was Disneyland after all.  We had the most fun, I think we saw the Electric Light Parade that night. Of course I got a Minnie Mouse doll that still looks the same today, but maybe the elastic on her clothes is a little stretched out.  

Well anyway back to Disneyland we had so much fun and when it was time to leave we took the team to the Pluto lot I think. It was not where our car was. We started walking around looking for our rental car and couldn’t find it.  I saw the lane we drove down and followed it walking away from my mom.  I kept walking and found the rental car.  Not knowing what to do and didn’t want to leave because I might not be able to find it again, I sat on the trunk of the car.  

Soon after, a man driving one of those golf cart type vehicles comes round and asks me all these questions and I told the everything and he said he would be back.  Who knows how long later, I didn’t have a watch. He came back round with my mother on the back of the golf cart.  We thanked him and went on our way.

Later I asked my mom and she said she was frantic and told the guy who stopped her that she didn’t know where her car was but worst of all she didn’t know where her daughter was.  He replied are you   ? And she said yes. That was when he took her to where I was waiting.    

Now Disneyland must have encountered this before because not once did they seem judge mental or panicky for in the world of Disneyland all stories have happy endings.  

-Jennie Nawrocki

Love without expectation of return.  Most people forget this by demanding respect or love, though it must be earned through actions. I made it my mission, my motto, my everything. To me it is something you simply do though it may not be easy. Does it create a vulnerability, certainly but it definitely beats the opposite or is it opposition, either way, love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

-Jennie Nawrocki

Games are interesting, they bring out challenges to complete. Some people take them vey seriously others not so much. When it comes down to it not matter how you look at it, as Shakespeare says “We are all merely players.”  or something like that at least.  

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

-Jennie Nawrocki 

Hearts are peculiar things, they manage of blood through the body involuntary, just as nerves send signals to the brain.  Whether we want them to or not these things are necessary for survival.  I guess that’s why so many expressions involve their meaning literal or metaphorical.  I read quite a bit about them but none will out last that of follow your heart, to me it is the same as follow your gut feelings.  For within us I believe we have the ability to see the importance of consideration and empathy towards others. That knowledge of how we effect others drives us. Sure we all make mistakes sometimes, but daily I see a human face or even imagine it and melt at their existence and need to remember we all have hearts we need to follow.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

Dreams are funny things aren’t they.  I once read that they allow a person to process what occurs during the waking hours. We have all heard of dreams of war, being naked before an audience, falling teeth, flying and so much more. Books I have seen on analyzing dreams can be extremely thick, for deeper interpretations or one liners as a quick reference. Whatever they may be dreams have always been a little emotional for me to say the least. I have had dreams nightmares really of wars where I am hiding from being continually chased or as everything crashes around me.  I always wake up before I find out the ending. I think I wake up because they say if you really die in your dream you die in real life. I don’t know if it is true or not but it scares me more then anything else because my dreams are very vivid. 

I wake up sometimes from these deep dreams and wonder where I am.  Yes, even that has happened. When I was a little girl I would tell people about my dreams and they couldn’t believe how wild the were.  What little girl would have a nightmare about Christmas presents chasing her, that scared her so much she woke in the middle of the night in a panic.

I have dreams where I am watching the whole situation and still get scared.  There are dreams that made me have all sorts of feelings.  One day I woke up from a dream watching a man dressed all in black with dark hair and he was holding a girl in the river near the base of a waterfall.  Each time the little girl came out of the water she said “Daddy please can I?” All the while I am watching from the sky saying “kill child molesters”.  Immediately, I woke up miserable and excited at the same time, really so many emotions occurred. Which made me think could this be a repressed childhood memory? I am sure some reading this are pretty positive they know it is.  For they know everything I have ever done. Seriously, my family is like every other family and feels disgusted by child molesters.  

I know how this dream transcended in my mind.  I remembered a conversation where I heard someone saying that disliking child molesters is something everyone can agree on. Also I heard of someone talking about how it took several people to stick knives in people because they needed to be brought down.  Now in my mind I must have mixed them together with some other stuff obviously like where did the waterfall come in?  

Now all my dreams aren’t nightmares. I know I have good dreams to, I think those happen on nights I sleep the entire night or don’t remember or maybe I just didn’t dream that night at all.  I can also dream in short increments during the day.  I guess those are called day dreams, well they are to me maybe not others.  I really can’t control what I dream about most people don’t.  Though the unbelievable realness of my dreams will remain intriguing to figure out how much of my day is processed to support my psychological emotional well being through my dreams.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

She fell into a trance that was unexplainable. The walkers by wondered if she was even awake for her eyelids were semi closed. Though the tile that she saw, brick really was rough on the edges as though someone had been digging their heels repeatedly, tapping down the crisp lines of rectangular precision. She could tell this happen over time for even sections of the mortar were even missing.  It memorized her in everyway thinking of all the foot steps and the lives it supported as people walk casually on its surface. It was also a welcome distraction from the waiting she was enduring.  Soon she would get a call, the call, that would determine her life forever. She was thinking of changing careers and this would be it, her acceptance into a world she dreamed about, but for some reason all she could do was look at this brick in the path before her.

-Jennie Nawrocki