Years ago I thought I was seeing a guy online and fell in love with him only to find out years later it was all a joke.

Now I have been online again and chatted with some men (neither one of these men is Nick Kappes) and yet again my direct communication has become non existent.

I have no way of talking to them directly, the times we did shortly message each other seemed public rather than private and it was very short lived and haven’t had a direct message since.

However it seems if I don’t respond on social media or choose one over the other each gets hurt.

Though one knows I call him Phinaes that I love him.

Then there is this other story the one where I am told I have no future and am an irrelevant evil ghost, to say it nicely.

So do I believe one of these men returns their love for me when we don’t speak and haven’t direct messaged each other in months or years?

Or?

My heart has been broken my mind is fried and I am feeling controlled.

How am I to know when to trust what I read or hear?

The weird other conundrum is they are completely opposites and appeal to different parts of my personality, because we all know Jennie isn’t a stereotype this or that Jennie is Jennie and is flexible maybe more figuratively than literally these days and versatile in experiences and wants.

So what would you do think neither one is serious or live in a matrix or dream type of scenario, that your family says doesn’t exist and neither one of them loved me in the first place.

Oh and on top of it I made lots of mistakes and fumbles this week that I am wondering if I broke the camels back or are dealbreakers?

To the reader the choice seems obvious to my heart and gullible side not so much.

And to be cheesy I will say this: I don’t want to be lonely.

-Jennie Nawrocki

Somehow the letters cc appeared on this post Jennie Nawrocki did not write them it was hacked by the people who want no future for Jennie Nawrocki.

You haven’t seen the best

Unless you

Have done your best

Self confidence

With humility

Is

The best

-Jennie Nawrocki

A 🌹 doesn’t sound as sweet with any other name.

The Divine Miss M

Has stayed true

For decades

She honors our country

With dedication

And moral value

That focuses on human rights

Rather than hocus pocus

Each plant and park

She saved

Bended with the wind beneath

The wings of the mandarin duck

And many other forest natives

Saying Thank You Dolly

You smell as sweet as a 🌹

-Jennie Nawrocki

Without overactiving

Certainly no drama

Intwined in the relationship

Stealth strategies

If any

Progress the conversation

So much so

Ostentation depression

Loathing and jealousy

Are never found

Just simple exchanges

Turning dialogues

Into positives

So you only think

Hey that woman

Is great to talk with

So humble

When is the next

Party with her

-Jennie Nawrocki

You is such a broad term.

It can be singular

Or plural

So many meanings

You said: I was awful

Is a different person from

You said: I love you

The only way to know

Is context and setting

So if unsure

Ask who was meant

When you was said

-Jennie Nawrocki

Still sitting in 💩?

Why?

-Jennie Nawrocki

When I was going through school my greatest supporter was my mother.

She did so much to ensure I made it to college.

I was the only one of her 5 children that went and graduated from a 4 year University.

My father wasn’t in my life much but I heard that he thought I was doing well then too.

My love for them remains.

Even after I have lost everything and it is a stretch for them to find ways to be proud of me.

Neither of us likes where my life is heading.

So we argue about how to get back to some semblance of good if not better.

Things are manipulated behind the scenes I hate.

I know they want the best for me and I want the best for them.

But I am at the stage where I feel any activity or action I take would soon go down the drain.

As I have been told I can do nothing and I certainly can’t get praise for it even if I did well.

“Even if you are right Jennie, you will always be wrong.” -bosses living statement

So my quandary is what do I do, if you can never be proud of me?

What do I do now if no one can be proud of me?

So I think back and replay any compliment I was ever given before.

And remember everything I learned I learned in kindergarten.

And say thank you mom and dad for not calling me a degenerate disgusting piece of 💩

Even if the rest of the world does.

-Jennie Nawrocki

my vanity

Is huge

For deciding

The perfect ten

I made myself

a zero

Beauty is personality.

And mine

Became

Zero

So without judgement

You have more beauty

Then I ever will

-Jennie Nawrocki

Finding love

Maybe easy

Maybe hard

But certainly

Worth it

-Jennie Nawrocki