Kaleidoscope Of Imagery

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Look when it comes to relationships I shouldn’t give any advice.  I have been hurt because my privacy was taken away, my thoughts included.  It is no secret about how things could be seen several different ways all at the same time and some of them are so opposing that you shiver (spasm) even vomit at the idea of one over the other.  You can’t think of this person as this person here and this person there, yet you can and oh wait let’s throw in a few more possibilities too. It has driven me insane to focus on one scenario without saying to myself well he could also be this person because of this example. So to get back at people I start thinking of them in situations they wouldn’t like either. Well we began to offend each other, each time upping the grossness and crappiness of it. It was a mutual or reciprocal relationship and it got sick and nasty.  He would play people I knew and I would imagine him as all those people too also fighting to not imagine as all those people.  So thoughts swirled recent people and images swirled around for both of us, maybe me more than him because I never had the validation that it was just this person or that person which didn’t exactly make it easy to narrow it down to just one person.  It still doesn’t and still is scary when unexpected flashes of images of people in situations that never happened.  I have been known to cry, scream and feel angry when something goes horribly mixed up or question what really occurred and in what order. It is true I hated not knowing what just happened. Which is why I get so depressed because I will only know what people want me to remember.

-Jennie Nawrocki

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