Been kinda on a garbage kick lately.  Don’t get me wrong, my ability to have a messy place is normal, but having tons of trash around is another. Now I grew up in a family where when we went camping everything that went in the fire that didn’t expell huge amounts of toxic gases or need molten lava in order to reach its burning point we burned.  We were also that family that had huge burn piles in the back yard for cleared foliage.  However if it could be used until it absolutely couldn’t it was.  So if it was still in decent shape we gave it to someone who needed it or the Goodwill.  It was great being a camping family because all old dishes always had a second chance as camping goods.  There was also the possibility that it would be needed for a future project too.  We tried to think of every way within reason something could be utilized.  I guess you could consider us minimalists because we didn’t have much money we couldn’t and didn’t want to save much stuff.  Now the extent of sorting it got more tricky between family members.  Once recycling became a big thing there was a wonder, is it actually worth it?  Well maybe in the beginning it was expensive if I remember correctly so was the first boom box.   Now it has gotten so popular and efficient that cities have mandatory composting receptacles in restaurants and at the curbside of your home.  That is right composting is a thing.  What is so useful is it allows cities with less need to dig and bring in outside resources and instead become self-sustaining.  Imagine all the scenery you enjoy on your afternoon walk even the soil feeding the field came from your dinner scraps, flowers a plenty provided by your breakfast extras.  Yes, people it is possible and has been done. So when I look at my room and wonder why I have separate bins for trash I remember Mother Earth.  Just as relationships can’t survive take alone or give alone, the environment has to be a reciprocal relationship.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

I have talked about love before in several different ways, forms, and levels of strength.  However, I don’t think I have combined love to the act of faith or fate or is it hope, positive thinking, well whatever it may be these together have always seem to allude me. 

A person in a relationship could think everything was going well until they find out was hiding a bad habit.  It could be drugs, hidden bank accounts, secret lovers, or even problems with their health or job.  Any one of these things or a combination could hurt a marriage. The unknowing person within the relationship didn’t predict or want it to happen, in fact, they viewed everything as going well.  They always thought positive about this significant person in their life and their communication with each other. 

So when it comes to positive thinking in this scenario two things were hurt, trust in individuals close to you and faith in humanity in general.  Hence, a feeling of great sadness when something is found out.

The remaining question is how does one love that deeply again, if at all?  I guess factors like how many times it has happened and the support of people around you.  Speaking as one who has been hurt, it is a balance between allowing vulnerability to show one can trust again and general idealism that people want to keep relationships in a very positive way. I would assume it is also the people you are with creating the same disfunctional or increasely healthy interactions. So my question to you is who is in control of the weather in your relationship?

-Jennie Nawrocki 

I think I should have a section of these that tell a little bit about my life.  It is to not to say they didn’t before but really there is so much more that occurs than me sleeping well maybe not I do sleep a lot, today was no exception.  After I had my afternoon nap I decided to enjoy the outside world eat some dinner, do some holiday stuff and the like.  

I end up going to this place that served an loaded bagel sandwich and grits once so I had to go back and try something else on the menu.  I ended up getting the corned beef hash, with home fries steamed vegetables and apple juice.  I was right at the counter able to watch all what the cooks were doing.  The food was tasty just like home cooking.  

At one point I heard the cook say something about death and didn’t think much of it until a few minutes later all of a sudden I heard and saw people looking outside.  There started to be lots of people gathering.  Then the fire trucks and police cars and something about a pile of blood and a woman on the train.  I asked specifically but they wouldn’t tell me, kinda shrugged and tried to go about their business as I tried to stomach the last bites I had.  If I hadn’t been so hungry to begin with I probably would have pushed my plate but my body was fighting hunger and disgust all at same time. 

Soon I finished and needed out of there, I was headed to 5:30 mass anyways but now I really wanted to go.  Now I knew I wouldn’t get on the train there so I walked to the next train station on my way I looked at the scene there was a red blotch on the street and a blue and yellow striped tennis shoe.  As I walked further I over heard three teenage girls one saying something very close to, she was stuck on the train, what else could she do?  Again not resonating well with me.  So then I decided to take a cab because I knew the bus would be in traffic as a result. 

Once I got to yet another train station I saw two pigeons.  They were on the train tracks walking.  One on the rail and the other one jumping from wood board to wood board.  When the train making lots of noise came they didn’t move until the train was within a few feet did they finally flew freely away. 

Now I am not sure if the two are connected but whether it is interesting or horrid, it was not expected that is for definite.  The unusually unexplainable events have occurred more than I would like in my life and unfortunately don’t seem to be winding down. So my readers in the past I would put this into a poem but today I thought I would write it out maybe it will solve some puzzles out there or at least that I have, until then be well.

-Jennie Nawrocki 

There is something to be said for someone who perseveres through tragedy, either unsuccessfully or successfully.  It takes abilities one never thought they had.  While no one really close to me has passed away, I had tragedy in other ways.  Many of you know I make mistakes often.  Language wise you would not believe how many English teachers frowned at my works.  In 6th grade my teacher would say from across the room “Can you spell the word girl?” Embarrassing, quizzical, and it basically put me on the spot in front of the whole class, though for some reason I always answered it correctly.  However those pop quizzes never prepared me for the responses to my papers later on.  I remember crying in a cafe when speaking to the head of the Special Ed department (my masters program) about my masters thesis introduction on teaching students with disabilities.  I couldn’t tell you the amount of tears I cried over words on a page throughout my education. 

Well this goes with relationships too, I haven’t many friends or friends that lasted long.  It seems no matter what I do I am unable to maintain friendships.  Most of the time rather than discussing with me about it, they just disappeared or made excuses as to why they can’t see me.  Now I don’t equate these to other horrendous tragedies though they do humble a person completely. 

Though the friends I do have are ones I can confide in or trust unequivocally and have heard my thoughts on this often.  I am apt to think about it as the president goes to Cuba.  It takes another perspective and new approaches to work through differences.  One must remember mistakes so they don’t make them again, one must also remember how many versions of Windows and other items need updates to fix problems and accommodate increasing necessities.  We all continue to persevere through our challenges.

-Jennie Nawrocki

They met many years ago, the two never knew anything of each other.  Growing up in different cities, they had extremely different lives. The worlds they knew, the home town memories they had, don’t compare to when their lives entangled, permanently mixed and affected by one another.  Strangers really, but knowledge seemed unconscious. Actions seemed parallel and similar.  Though they never saw each other or had personal conversations.  Just the feeling of their presence, within their thoughts.  Something that saying choose this, why, it makes sense that’s all.  Feeling that comfort of them together, undescribable, though forever desired.

-Jennie Nawrocki

People always ask me how I am doing? It is the usual small talk question that shows concern for someone.  These statements of regular conversation are never insignificant, because they establish the relationship between people. How they are said, vernacular used and the body language that goes with it.  Even when one is busy it is courtesy to have these.  Though for some reason, I have misplaced them and start with subject matter.  It is like eating the burger without the bun, lettuce, tomato, ketchup…you name it.  These are conversation pieces that make communication.  Why eat just the meat?  Really it comes down to the past.  My past, present and future, I interpret as very complex, to the most finite detail.  I slowly am explaining its intricacies to you my readers.  It is difficult to say the least,  for so much public knowledge is tied to private things, I want to keep private.  As a result, if you are working to build that perfect burger for every conversation?  I am there with you.

-Jennifer Nawrocki 

There was a day that they said robots would be apart of our lives.  We already have drones, we live on the dependence of technology. Cars can start, stop, park and drive themselves, cash is rarely seen.  Some areas have advanced so much that medical technology is healing people without their knowledge.  We are working very hard towards a cure for cancer.  Maybe one day our bodily systems might be controlled.  Spontaneous cell reproduction replaces harmful damaged ones.  Imagine the healthy people, the longevity of lives, that will be saved through the advancement of technology. 

To doubt it’s possibilities is to also doubt the mishaps of technology gone askew.  What if that same car stops or starts at the wrong time? A bug or virus in your phone can be fixed with an update but when you are driving on the rod not so much.  I want to see the world progress well.  I am willing to support successes leading to enhance the lives of all living things.  The phylosophy for these things to occur has been enclosed for me to focus on certain things, requiring for someone like me who always had a wandering mind dealing with known and unknown entities on several layers, swelling emotions to abnormal levels, requiring answers, for the future has arrived making the world safer for each person working together.

-Jennie Nawrocki

In 1982, way back before their was Internet, heck MTV came out less than a year before, the things I remember.  Anyhow, my mom took me to Disneyland for the first time.  We stayed for about a week had a rental car and a hotel not too far away but cheaper then the real close ones.  We we very poor back then.

Well one day we drove in pretty late so we had to go to one of those way back lots that is so far from the gate you need a tram to get the entrance.  Well, I watched everything as we drove in so excited to be at Disneyland, it was Disneyland after all.  We had the most fun, I think we saw the Electric Light Parade that night. Of course I got a Minnie Mouse doll that still looks the same today, but maybe the elastic on her clothes is a little stretched out.  

Well anyway back to Disneyland we had so much fun and when it was time to leave we took the team to the Pluto lot I think. It was not where our car was. We started walking around looking for our rental car and couldn’t find it.  I saw the lane we drove down and followed it walking away from my mom.  I kept walking and found the rental car.  Not knowing what to do and didn’t want to leave because I might not be able to find it again, I sat on the trunk of the car.  

Soon after, a man driving one of those golf cart type vehicles comes round and asks me all these questions and I told the everything and he said he would be back.  Who knows how long later, I didn’t have a watch. He came back round with my mother on the back of the golf cart.  We thanked him and went on our way.

Later I asked my mom and she said she was frantic and told the guy who stopped her that she didn’t know where her car was but worst of all she didn’t know where her daughter was.  He replied are you   ? And she said yes. That was when he took her to where I was waiting.    

Now Disneyland must have encountered this before because not once did they seem judge mental or panicky for in the world of Disneyland all stories have happy endings.  

-Jennie Nawrocki

Love without expectation of return.  Most people forget this by demanding respect or love, though it must be earned through actions. I made it my mission, my motto, my everything. To me it is something you simply do though it may not be easy. Does it create a vulnerability, certainly but it definitely beats the opposite or is it opposition, either way, love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

-Jennie Nawrocki